Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML
Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year-old guy. FML
Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML
Today, my kid jumped from the couch into our Christmas tree. As she literally slid down the entire tree, it was like it was happening in slow motion. I was laughing so hard, I peed myself, so I had to clean up decorations and my own piss. FML
Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ThomasBombadil 31
Yikes! Hope the three year old is okay.
PurpleDrankkx 7
The real question is, why was he holding him while hammered lol
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (56)
Axel5238 29
My mom and brother get a bit tipsy during holidays my mom especially(not fun) though thankfully it's never gotten to them getting really drunk and an argument starting. I never understood the desire to drink with family, but my family has always been like that. Hope the baby is ok and definitely talk to your dad about his drinking. Even if he doesn't normally drink like that not a good sign at all and something that should be watched.
NatalieOntheTram 11
Why didn't someone take the child from him as he was taking the eighteen shots of Vodka? I can't stand people who drink to the point of being completely shitfaced...
uarudeassbitchyo 17
Blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol
JoJo91_fml 8
oh my goodness! who gives a 3 year old to someone who took 18 shots of vodka!?
angelitared 27
Stay of denial!
angelitared 27
State* of denial!
worldclassrager 41
Thank god he wasn't dressed as Santa?
Aligator67 12
I have to agree with that.. The child should at least grow up believing in Santa and that he isn't a drunk.
CrazyMelvin 14
That's child endangerment. Good job.
MissTipsyTumbles 1
Is the tree ok?
Dmc169 9
He pulled a Nixon