Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML
Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy just one item - a single, ripe avocado. After spending way too long choosing the perfect one, I got to the checkout counter. I'd left my wallet at home. I had to abandon my poor avocado. FML
Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML
Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML
Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML
Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML
Today, I realized I’d been walking around a small grocery store for 10 minutes holding an avocado I grabbed but didn’t need. Too embarrassed to put it back, I guess I’m buying an avocado. FML
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Top comments
dontfmlplzzz 6
Common sense isn't so common nowadays
loller27 6
dude what did you think it meant
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Comments (194)
Spazz420 7
I can imagine u standing in the grocery aisle looking like an idiot
The_Hitdude 12
I can imagine you going on FML and sounding like an idiot....Wait. P.S. It's *you. This isn't a text message, nor is it Facebook. This is FML, where proper grammar and spelling are used to make logical points. Problem?
DuffleBagHero 4
I don't understand why you base him off the way he spells? This is FML, it may not be a text, nor Facebook, but it most definitely isn't English class. It's great you know how to spell, and use proper grammar, but is all the arrogance really necessary? Tsk. Tsk. The only idiot I see here would be you. To be honest, this is an online game, so it's really never been that serious.
The_Hitdude 12
The FML Commenting Policy clearly states: "TXT language and out of context comments are forbidden". And arrogance? Read a ******* dictionary. I never said anything about myself. Hell, I make spelling errors too. But I still make an effort to be grammatically correct, as do some of the most popular commenters on this site, as well as the staff. People respect you more when you make an effort. If you don't care, then that's your perogative, but you'll look like an idiot.
theonlysweetpea 10
#216 I like you.
DREWBERTMAN 2
Sarcastically*
DREWBERTMAN 2
It was fixed, please ignore this comment
AugustBurnsToast 14
Well maybe if he had an iPhone he would've been able to look it up. :p
jaff23 11
I didn't know either until my friend explained but then again I don't eat bacon.
midgles 6
Bacon lettuce tomato, a heavenly combo of unhealthy to healthy. What magic in a sandwich. ????
ElricMustang 23
Astughfirallah. Haha
Jannettecooks 1
A bacon and avocado sandwich sounds banging though...
DocBastard 40
I love BLTs! But please substitute bacon for the tomatoes. And same for the lettuce.
Meowingtons500 18
Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips & Baconstrips Baconstrips Need I say more?
yoyoforpeace 14
O.o
StalwartKitten 4
What kind of an American are you!!!
DREWBERTMAN 2
A typical American...