Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML
Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy just one item - a single, ripe avocado. After spending way too long choosing the perfect one, I got to the checkout counter. I'd left my wallet at home. I had to abandon my poor avocado. FML
Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML
Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML
Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML
Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML
Today, I realized I’d been walking around a small grocery store for 10 minutes holding an avocado I grabbed but didn’t need. Too embarrassed to put it back, I guess I’m buying an avocado. FML
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Top comments
dontfmlplzzz 6
Common sense isn't so common nowadays
loller27 6
dude what did you think it meant
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Comments (194)
dontfmlplzzz 6
Common sense isn't so common nowadays
eddeeezzyy 19
Yeah, dude, it's so uncommon that it should be considered a superpower now.
linstar 13
How did you get avocado and napkins from LT?
blackheart24 10
Lavocado and tapkins, duhhh... Seriously OP what the **** is wrong with you?
TurnpikeTwister 0
BLT? I don't know about all that, but I do know my wife makes an excellent ANB!
alicekittykatt 0
Ikr it's just sad if u don't no what BLT means that's just sad
DuffleBagHero 4
It's never been that serious.
archenemybtch 0
66- It's just sad if you don't know the difference between "no" and "know".
hellbilly205 17
He must hang out with with the girl who had a conversation with her parrot
groundzeromma 8
Bet she regrets marrying an idiot, doubt he'll ever realize it though
PeachesnCream88 0
Hows dat stupid or sad its kinda funny .. I mean i have no idea.. But im guessing its bacon lettuce tomatoes??
onlyoncamera 0
?
colliebuddz420 7
This belongs on highdeas not fml lol
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Even thought it doesn't really make sense, I feel like an "ask a stupid question get a stupid answer" would fit nicely here.
Senseless_487 29
66 - Why don't you tell us again how sad it is?
spekledworf 18
You remind me of my boyfriend, OP... He was outisde with the dogs so I asked him to wipe his shoes off incase he stepped in shit. Does he wipe them on the outdoor mat? Nope. He walks into the house and wipes them on the carpet -.- That's my FML
MrBrightside21 20
Cool story bro. Tell it again.
crazyblackchick 0
In that case, I know and am apart of the justice league.
wisconsinallday 0
Avacado and napkins...so random
QueenQuay77 10
-51 what's an ANB?
XxDevilxXGt 26
I don't know what you are all hating on, clearly Op knew what he was doing. He's a man, and what men eat is bacon strips and bacon strips... And bacon strips. And maybe an avocado? Haters!
QueenQuay77 10
Epic meal time, I love it
tinkdatank 15
Amen haha
rovers_9 0
Give him some slack, his wife is the one who makes the sandwiches, not him
ALpein 0
What was it? When common sense becomes an attractive trait rather than an obvious state of mind?
ChickenNuggets22 0
51- I believe it's pronounced NAB.
ImABagel 0
Everyone knows the lettuce and tomatoes in a BLT are just filler..bacon is the only reason anyone eats a BLT. OP, you're re-hired.
alinka_fml 0
not everyone knows what it stands for. there are people who barely eat this type of food or people that don't eat meat, they won't know what it stands for
loller27 6
dude what did you think it meant
Synixia 6
Bacon, lemon and tartar sauce, of course.
MrSassypants 34
No, bacon avocados and napkins.
Mooish 18
Baloney, lime, taco of course!
ClassyCommando 13
He thought it meant Bacon, Large berry and Table settings. Rookie mistake.
The_DoritoNinja 4
Busty Ladies on Trampolines
Synyster430 0
Bacon lemur *******
nightheat 5
Big Lion ****
ClassyCommando 13
Brassieres, Lingerie and Thongs.
LightningCactus 12
Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato and yes, I went there.
hawkey126 0
Typical guy, buys the bacon and nothing else.
sougstad 7
Big lovely **** of course!
BrysGirl27 14
Hahaha:p of course
jessicaazzzzzzzz 3
But hawkeye, he did buy other things...
QueenQuay77 10
Bringing Life There
WOGBRO 6
Bad ludocious ****
False_Stupidity 42
Big Lazy Twerp
Calyx_fml 22
Butt Licking Turd
nbrunelli69 4
boys like *******
Daiyuki 5
Ludocious? Really?
EatMare 8
I love this reply.
randi9090 12
Bacon Lavacado Tnapkins
DuffleBagHero 4
Well then get the job done right next time! Chop chop! No wasting time when it comes to BLT's my good sir.
Heinousness 0
Who on EARTH doesn't know what goes into a BLT?!?!?!?!?!? The ****?
DuffleBagHero 4
I know, I mean, the least they can do is pay attention to a subway commercial, gee
LLLP 0
Just to make sure.... It is bacon lettuce tomato right?
DuffleBagHero 4
Yessiree, ya darn tootn' it is.
Guren 0
Not only did you not ask somebody at the store..you didn't look it up on your SMART phone..There are so many reasons for me to be pissed for your wife
Havin 19
Me
izackthegreat 1
204 - Not everyone has a smart phone. Generally, I don't even take my phone out of my house, it can be rather distracting when trying to do something.
Zomg_Okay 27
[edited]
NE7SSIE 2
Yupp
snowmount07 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Bacon lettuce potato, duh, BLP
xXxIracebethxXx 14
Da fuq?
buck33 14
No time to ask questions. Take the BLP and run. Run far away. They are after you.
TheCaterpiller 6
Wait, what......
paramoreroxxxx 0
Tomatoes
eatdemcupcakes 4
Pfft. This is why you should send a man out to do a woman's job.
hqbrat 8
Burn!.
SpottedZebra42 14
When was the last time you made an intelligent comment?
360XBOXFTW 0
Who the **** still says 'burn' anymore?
michaeljcaboose 7
^ that guy
RyNo24 4
Why did napkins become an option???
HeartOfLead 24
BLT: Mix five pounds of bananas with a cup of lasagna and tacos and put the cuncoction into a flatbread that will need to be heated in a microwave for approximately fifteen half an hour... You're welcome, OP!
Mirorbo 27
I can't imagine what you thought BLT meant or stood for if you didn't know beforehand.
Epikouros 32
Yes, how could anyone forget liverwurst and tongue?
Ambi_Sinistrous 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Awwwwww, that's actually really cute! Nice try! <3
JustOhSoLovely 6
How is it cute? I mean it might be thoughtful because maybe they needed napkins but I don't think I'd go as far as to say that it's cute...
Senseless_487 29
Stupidity is cute? Now I know what's wrong with this world!
Furrywhiplash 14
I believe she is saying it is cute in a cute-little-lost-puppy sort of way.
idoam 8
I find it most concerning that you figured napkins were a part of the sandwich.