Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML
Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy just one item - a single, ripe avocado. After spending way too long choosing the perfect one, I got to the checkout counter. I'd left my wallet at home. I had to abandon my poor avocado. FML
Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML
Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML
Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML
Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML
Today, I realized I’d been walking around a small grocery store for 10 minutes holding an avocado I grabbed but didn’t need. Too embarrassed to put it back, I guess I’m buying an avocado. FML
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Top comments
dontfmlplzzz 6
Common sense isn't so common nowadays
loller27 6
dude what did you think it meant
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Comments (194)
ElricMustang 23
Pffft I'm American, too, and I eat Hummus all the time! Middle Eastern food is the best!
pastnastificatio 4
Always thought it was Bread Lightly Toasted
ElricMustang 23
Grrrrrr...Middle Eastern food! American food can't beat aseed, sabeyah, and samboosa! Ha!
screwmewithafork 7
Sir, I am in love with you. An avocado? Brilliant. I bow to you.
LSS_fml 18
B.A.T. Bacon, avocado, tzatziki dip. Don't knock it 'til you try it!
kitkat789 2
:) lol
yaya1213 6
I don't know ht a BLT stands for. Bacon lettuce tomatoes?
berichsoon 11
106) I've tried all those type of food, let me tell ya, they are awesome. Shawerma too my favorite
guskaufman62 1
BLT= Big Lookin *******
Jannettecooks 1
Probably from all that bacon
BubbleGrunge 18
Wait wait wait....why didn't your wife send you with a list? If we need list ourselves, you men DEFINITLY need a list! I mean,we can't properly make you sandwiches if we dont have the right ingredients!