Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML
Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy just one item - a single, ripe avocado. After spending way too long choosing the perfect one, I got to the checkout counter. I'd left my wallet at home. I had to abandon my poor avocado. FML
Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML
Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML
Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML
Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML
Today, I realized I’d been walking around a small grocery store for 10 minutes holding an avocado I grabbed but didn’t need. Too embarrassed to put it back, I guess I’m buying an avocado. FML
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Top comments
dontfmlplzzz 6
Common sense isn't so common nowadays
loller27 6
dude what did you think it meant
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Comments (194)
menacingsprite 3
Hahaha my sister and I laughed so hard... But this is a serious 'blonde' moment worth sharing!
littlecityof 3
Hey, you got the most important part...the bacon.
eyecon502 13
Is it worse that you didn't know, or that you publicly admitted it and expected sympathy?
ElricMustang 23
Not a rock, just someplace far with no real education.
quivx 7
Wow. You are a goddamned retard.
Obeyy19 4
All I can say is SMH!
ysmipha 3
Don't bogart that joint my friend, pass it along
Mauskau 36
Where did the idea of avocados and napkins come from? It's not a BAN.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Wow...I can't cook but even I know what a BLT sandwich is. I'm wondering why she didn't go herself, but then I realize that she probably thought you were at least intelligent enough to know what a BLT sandwich is. YDI...no wonder women are told to stay in the kitchen - men (most of them anyway) are incompetent when it comes to even making a sandwich!
kp4294 2
Are you expecting to get pity on here?