Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway between our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking, eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, to prove to my wife that she's incapable of leaving on time, I told her we needed to leave by 6 and gave her no further reminders. At 6:45 she “still need 5 more minutes.” Then she got mad when she came downstairs at 7:20 and I was in my pyjamas, because what's the fucking point leaving now? FML
Today, I scrambled to get out of work on the dot to go to a special pharmacy that closes at 5 pm an hour away. I arrived at 4:58. Upon reaching the door, one of the employees came and locked it in my face. Apparently, her going home early was more important than me getting my medication. FML
Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML
Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML
Today, my wife hit a new level of clingy when she picked the lock on the bathroom door so she could sit with me while I shat. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML
Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML
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Top comments
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Why wouldn't she just say shes going out for the night? Because you seem old enough to know whats goin on...
H4H 15
It's bad that she's sneaking back in wearing those clothes, it's worse when her excuse is couponing
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Comments (103)
digitalninja 5
coupon for your wife's clothes half off tonight only..........sorry I had to
Unlucky1232 20
meanwhile you were looking for coupons on a lawyer for a divorce.
ABlindMan 17
I pity your spouse in the future. If OP is a responsible adult he'll confront his wife and ask her if she's cheating on him or just partying or some other variant, then sit down and talk to her about what he's doing wrong that she needs to lie blatantly to his face, and try and fix the marriage. If the marriage is irreparable, then they may go their separate ways. That's how you settle things logically. You don't immediately jump the gun and assume the absolute worst and divorce the person you married. Remember you married them for a *hopefully* very clear reason of loving them and wanting to spend your life together.
Unlucky1232 20
or just hire and investigator find out if she's cheating if it's confirmed split. if it's not obvious i have a deep hatred for cheaters
rodrigun449 16
Honestly this is heartbreaking to read. Hire a private detective to gather evidence, it will make the divorce go way more smoothly. In the meantime, does she have a sister you can sleep with to get revenge?
Senseless_487 29
Yep, hire a P.I. to spy on her, then sabotage your own case by cheating with someone related to your wife, who would talk to her, as revenge. Foolproof!
LPac5295 27
Or, you know, he could just talk to his wife.
LPac5295 27
Or, you know, he could just talk to his wife.
donutcallmethat 16
I mean, I don't know what's up, but women do dress up for each other. If it was basically a girl's day, it's not unusual to dress up. She might have just been having a really good time with her female friend. Me and my best friend have admitted to dressing up more and trying harder to look nice when we hang out, because one of us wore a scarf, or nicer jewelry. We try to match each others dressiness even if we are staying in. My husband has complained about how late I've stayed at her house. Only you and your wife know the situation, OP.
engineerosaurus 26
Except OP very clearly doesn't know the situation because the wife lied about it.
fohfuucba 21
Except it's quite possible he's assuming too much. Did you read the comment you replied to?
tdeptrai 3
You should've ask to see the coupons.
ezrajab 22
She is not the one if she can't be open and honest with you! Sorry op
CyberEndDragonZT 5
rip ur marriage
Wormgod 10
I know your first thought is she went out to club and have sex. Honestly, she might have gotten all dolled up and came in so late because she and her friend(s) had one of those wine-fueled parties where they talked about their old dreams and slowly devolved into a "oh god we could have been actors and famous and gotten PhDs and whatever else our dreams are, but instead we did [insert whatever changed their dreams] and here I am at midnight at one of my friends house, drunk as hell, and we were supposed to be swapping coupons."
EvilLittleMan 23
Probably wanted to redeem drink coupons... (III)3 x ???
coolthang8200 7
Did she at least couponing a few condoms?