Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway between our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking, eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, to prove to my wife that she's incapable of leaving on time, I told her we needed to leave by 6 and gave her no further reminders. At 6:45 she “still need 5 more minutes.” Then she got mad when she came downstairs at 7:20 and I was in my pyjamas, because what's the fucking point leaving now? FML
Today, I scrambled to get out of work on the dot to go to a special pharmacy that closes at 5 pm an hour away. I arrived at 4:58. Upon reaching the door, one of the employees came and locked it in my face. Apparently, her going home early was more important than me getting my medication. FML
Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML
Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML
Today, my wife hit a new level of clingy when she picked the lock on the bathroom door so she could sit with me while I shat. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML
Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML
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Top comments
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Why wouldn't she just say shes going out for the night? Because you seem old enough to know whats goin on...
H4H 15
It's bad that she's sneaking back in wearing those clothes, it's worse when her excuse is couponing
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Comments (103)
fohfuucba 21
Either she's lying about where she's going...or you're assuming too much. Girls' nights in happen. You're both supposedly adults, talk to her like one.
4everfcked 2
The better question is how did it only take her an hour to do all of that? But yeah you should confront her on that.
Lepidop 18
Sometimes girls dress to impress other girls not just guys, she might be tying to compete with her friend... Either way don't jump to conclusions and ask her about it.
MrsHoffman 11
Put a tracking app on her phone and find out he truth!!
charluk 10
i would talk to her. it sounds like she either went out or she could be having an affair. i hope it is the first and not the second.
Kihdd 8
hmm couponing? Is that what they call it these days?
pbarakhshan2 8
maybe she was couponing for clubs
woahwoahemilio 4
D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
vikky538 29
Wow! Coupon thing is a lot of work
chosha_fml 27
And it didn't occur to you to ask why she's dressing up for a nightclub to go couponing? She could be cheating, or maybe she just wants a night out dancing. Have you taken her out lately?