Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway between our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking, eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, to prove to my wife that she's incapable of leaving on time, I told her we needed to leave by 6 and gave her no further reminders. At 6:45 she “still need 5 more minutes.” Then she got mad when she came downstairs at 7:20 and I was in my pyjamas, because what's the fucking point leaving now? FML
Today, I scrambled to get out of work on the dot to go to a special pharmacy that closes at 5 pm an hour away. I arrived at 4:58. Upon reaching the door, one of the employees came and locked it in my face. Apparently, her going home early was more important than me getting my medication. FML
Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML
Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML
Today, my wife hit a new level of clingy when she picked the lock on the bathroom door so she could sit with me while I shat. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML
Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML
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Top comments
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Why wouldn't she just say shes going out for the night? Because you seem old enough to know whats goin on...
H4H 15
It's bad that she's sneaking back in wearing those clothes, it's worse when her excuse is couponing
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Comments (103)
dracolich 27
She might be sneaking back in that late because she doesn't want to make much noise and possibly wake you up, OP. It doesn't immediately mean she is cheating on you. However, it is good to have a talk. Maybe she just wants to go out? You could go together!
deadpool86 7
you need to start asking questions man
travisjackson 3
The only thing half off was her clothes.....
that90sgurl 17
That sucks OP, I'm so sorry. No one should have to deal with that!
JETarchitect 32
Is that what they are calling it these days?? LOL
Mister_Lister 5
Did you check the fridge? Is it full of pizza/chinese? Because if it is, I don't see a problem.
TKDWill 13
Sounds like you need to get into couponing too.
manuwish 9
so what, she went to her friends, they did couponing had a couple drinks, lost track of the time and it ended up being later than expected..why make yourself crazy over that!!! and shaving her legs doesn't mean she's cheating, connecting those two actions is just plain stupid!
Jessika706 14
Wow she can do all that in 1hour?? It usually takes me 2 hours to get ready.
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
Sounds like she really said "pulling some random bloke in a nightclub and screwing him behind the dumpsters". You just heard it as "couponing".