Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ended up in an awkward position during sex and dislocated my knee. My wife accused me of doing it on purpose to criticize her for being too fat and heavy for sex. FML
Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML
Today, after a lot of discussion and setting ground rules, my wife agreed that we could try swinging. Problem is, she has vetoed every single person I’ve suggested as either “butt ass ugly” or “fatter than holy hell.” Her exact words were, “There’s no way in fuck I’m munching fat box!” FML
Today, my wife was telling me about some kinky things she did with a previous boyfriend. Since my sexual adventures were fairly limited compared to hers, I commented that I would like to try that sometime. She said, "Why would we have kinky sex? We're already married." She was serious. FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, I tried to impress my wife by doing a bunch of push-ups, despite having a bad shoulder. She told me my form sucks and that I'm an idiot. Now I can barely move my arm and I'm going to have to get it fixed. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
To paraphrase Nancy Reagan, "Just Say Neigh!" Get a BDSM saddle -- they only weigh 5.6 pounds. Or so I've heard from a friend. Really, someone I barely know.
Aiden89 23
Save a horse, ride a cowboy
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Comments (4)
JackWood 21
Better get some knee pads, giddie up!
RichardPencil 32
To paraphrase Nancy Reagan, "Just Say Neigh!" Get a BDSM saddle -- they only weigh 5.6 pounds. Or so I've heard from a friend. Really, someone I barely know.
xaonng 5
you like what you like it's ok lol
Marcella1016 32
Saddle her? I barely gnu her! Or something.
historygrad74 19
I just had a flashback to the 80s! Thank you!
Aiden89 23
Save a horse, ride a cowboy