Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, my wife straight up knocked my mother out cold with a straight jab to the face, turned to walk away, cracked her neck and announced to the world, “I’ve been waiting 4 years to do that.” What the hell has been going on around here? FML
Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years told me she would be more peaceful if I just killed myself. I argued that I’m not going to, but she assured me that I would. It’s just ‘when’ that’s in question. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML
Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
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Top comments
isallwaysme 27
well what else would the movie be about?
DocBastard 40
Just keep watching with her. When the motorcade starts going down the street, just yell, "DUCK, JACK!" After he's shot, she'll be amazed that you accurately predicted the outcome. She'll think you're a genius. It couldn't possibly go wrong.
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Comments (102)
lzmo 20
*facepalm*
dogpfcorn 11
Your wife is a Special kind of stupid
jixiekat 14
Honestly, wouldn't she know he dies not only because its called KILLING Kennedy but because of history class or something?
yerawizardlizzy 27
You mean history is REAL?! Good gravy.
Devul143 12
overacting much?
EmmaMK 35
Maybe you have done something else to annoy her and she used your comment as a reason not to talk to you, and maybe now she just needs some space.
thecrazymancan 17
Or maybe she's just genuinely stupid. I prefer to think she's just genuinely stupid because I find that funnier.
weveallbeenthere 30
just how dumb is she. like a box of rocks or cute puppy stupid?
wolfman2123 13
Seriously no matter what saying "spoiler alert" does not make spoiling a movie ok!
edanielleh 21
i think you are missing the point here....
UsagiArwen 23
Considering the title the film they were watching was "Killing Kennedy", and is about the JFK assassination, what spoiler was there? He died in friggin 1963. OP was teasing her by saying spoiler alert regarding information that everyone who's ever had a brain learned in history class. Clearly you're in the wife's brand of brains. The single celled brand.
tranced_ 45
is it that time of the month?
edanielleh 21
#45- news alert! no matter what the media says or what exaggerating women tell you, women do not loose their minds once a month. Do we just crankier? Yes! But it isn't like we loose all reason and become idiots. If a person is an idiot on their period, they were always an idiot
Dawnstempest 17
@ 48 Finally someone that is honest. Thank you.
AntiPrude 26
Spoiler Alert! - your wife's an idiot.