Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, my wife straight up knocked my mother out cold with a straight jab to the face, turned to walk away, cracked her neck and announced to the world, “I’ve been waiting 4 years to do that.” What the hell has been going on around here? FML
Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years told me she would be more peaceful if I just killed myself. I argued that I’m not going to, but she assured me that I would. It’s just ‘when’ that’s in question. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML
Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
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Top comments
isallwaysme 27
well what else would the movie be about?
DocBastard 40
Just keep watching with her. When the motorcade starts going down the street, just yell, "DUCK, JACK!" After he's shot, she'll be amazed that you accurately predicted the outcome. She'll think you're a genius. It couldn't possibly go wrong.
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Comments (102)
breakinlegs 19
This FML is stupid in comparison with people who have real problems....
littlexlune 16
Wait, WHAT??!!
Mynamewontfi 40
Spoiler alert: She doesn't sound very bright.
bobo_the_bear 5
I suggest that you don't watch Titanic with her.
WhiteZoneRedZone 6
Or The Longest Day. I once let it slip out that the Allies won the battle. Got hit hard in the shoulder for that one!
MaySFML 4
Aaand you just ruined killing Kennedy again. Hahaha joke but oh man she might have not caught on from the name :p I sure didn't:s
worldclassrager 41
I think you shouldn't spoil alert again with her along...
worldclassrager 41
Around*
MrCareless 17
What a surprise that he dies at the end..
gracehi 33
"Killing Kennedy" hm? Sounds interesting. What's it about?
ahh_rats 15
Def not a history buff lol
ShyAnn29 15
I think you would still like that movie, it was very good!
JMichael 26
Smacks hand on face*