Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, my wife straight up knocked my mother out cold with a straight jab to the face, turned to walk away, cracked her neck and announced to the world, “I’ve been waiting 4 years to do that.” What the hell has been going on around here? FML
Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years told me she would be more peaceful if I just killed myself. I argued that I’m not going to, but she assured me that I would. It’s just ‘when’ that’s in question. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML
Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
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Top comments
isallwaysme 27
well what else would the movie be about?
DocBastard 40
Just keep watching with her. When the motorcade starts going down the street, just yell, "DUCK, JACK!" After he's shot, she'll be amazed that you accurately predicted the outcome. She'll think you're a genius. It couldn't possibly go wrong.
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Comments (102)
PieReaper 11
I was going to watch that movie thanks dude no one likes a spoiler
poisongirl708 11
Yikes did you marry a blond you idiot?
FrankHotpants 31
I said the same thing to someone reading the bible....I thought it was funny :/
nmrg 10
Wow you picked a smart woman. No but really maybe she just didn't know the title or didn't really think about it.
Curlytwirly22 17
Get her flowers (preferably roses) and chocolates and tell her I'm so sorry for ruining the movie for you dear will you please forgive me and either cook or take her out for a romantic dinner (it's better if you cook that way she'd see how much you love her and what you would do for her ) good luck OP :)
dstrbd1971 3
time to upgrade to a smarter, newer wife!
Coltrain1223 8
I think the title "Killing Kennedy" is a bit of a spoiler alert
IIIIIIIII 7
Thats like spoiling "Snakes on a Plane".
stasia99 5
That's hysterical
wiseKat99 13
The title says it all. I agree FYL