Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML
Today, despite my warnings, my mother continues to go see my ex's son and encourage her to get more child support from me. They both say that because I signed the birth certificate, that makes that baby mine. I don't think he is, and I'm currently with someone else, with my first real son on the way. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I took my transfer student, who I am hosting for her year of study in America, to the doctor. It turns out that she is pregnant, and my teenage son is the father. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I found out that even after having had my tubes tied, I am in fact pregnant. I have an 8-month-old son and his father just remarried another woman 2 months ago. Neither of them believe that the new baby is his. FML
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Top comments
MariaGiovanni 25
Let me get this straight. Your child believes that his father knocked some other woman up, then stole the embryo/fetus, implanted it into you and you raised the child as your own with your unfaithful husband and pretended nothing happened? Sounds plausible.
Memeosaurus 14
And what gave him this idea?
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Comments (99)
Leauge 13
Op at least the child is calling you mother.
piemanfood 19
I'm sorry but this is really funny to me
IndefiniteBeauty 17
This is probably one of the funniest FMLs I've read to date
KhaleesiDannie 26
Just call him 'Spawn' from now on maybe it'll bother him maybe he'll become a super hero we'll have to wait for the follow up
9a_1z 12
HOST MOTHER makes you sound like some badass alien over-lord. Own it!
sammiaaron 16
this is honestly exactly how I feel lmfao. I'd go along with it
Yarecho 14
He could have read house of the scorpion
graphite01 15
Great book. So trippy.
raz0rf0x 8
you must have lead in the water there.
PYROxSYCO3 7
I think he just hates you.
Emirac 10
Your kid sounds hilarious, to be honest. I doubt he really believes that. He's probably just messing with you. I'd just run with it and scare the shit out of him with some creepy murder/conspiracy bit.
fde2blknimout 18
That bitch is stupid. But good luck w that. Take away his phone since you cant smack him. Guaranteed fix
sammiaaron 16
your entire comment sounds rather ridiculous, imo