Today, at the age of 21, I need digestive enzymes. Apparently most people start needing them in their sixties, but my parents and even my grandparents don’t need them. Without them, the food just sits in my stomach for days before eventually coming back up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after many years of being one of the best workers anywhere I worked, and being superhuman, I now have to accept that I may never be able to work full time again. Why? Because apparently I haven't been properly digesting food since I was 16 and I'm now 30. FML
Today, at the age of 22, I started eating my boogers. FML
Today, despite not eating for a week, my digestive system is still overflowing with gas and I fart every 2 minutes. No medicines help, and the six doctors I’ve been to have not been able to find anything wrong with me. FML
Today, I hate my body. If I eat anything at all, even a piece of fruit, I get terrible stomach cramps, and yet if I go too long without eating, I get gassy diarrhoea. FML
Today, I tried a new medicine in hopes that it would stop my stomach from constantly growling. Turns out, my body can either digest loudly, or not at all. I’ve been full for three days after one regular-sized meal. FML
Today, it really feels like I ain’t even got organs, because no matter what I eat or drink, that shit goes straight down and out. FML
Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML
Today, I realized why my stomach is upset: in a house with my two adult parents and one 17 year-old sister, we have somehow gone an entire week without fresh vegetables or fruit. I didn't notice because I was trying to figure out how to handle them forgetting my 30th birthday. FML
Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML
Today, just like every morning, I had to make myself throw up all the acid in my stomach just to make room for a little bit of food. No doctor can fix my problem, and my family still thinks I’m doing it to lose weight. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
IHaveThePower 18
Bodies are really weird and break down in really weird ways. I've learned that if a problem can be solved with 'take one pill at mealtimes\bedtime', it is not actually a problem (until the pharmacy f*cks up, anyway...). Shrug your shoulders and move on; you have a whole life to totally ignore it other than taking a pill at mealtimes or bedtime.
RichardPencil 32
Ok, so it's apparently not hereditary (unless you were adopted and still don't know about it.) Maybe you ought to share this scientific breakthrough with The New England Journal of Medicine. I smell a Nobel -- or it that one of your fetid belches?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Ok, so it's apparently not hereditary (unless you were adopted and still don't know about it.) Maybe you ought to share this scientific breakthrough with The New England Journal of Medicine. I smell a Nobel -- or it that one of your fetid belches?
IHaveThePower 18
Bodies are really weird and break down in really weird ways. I've learned that if a problem can be solved with 'take one pill at mealtimes\bedtime', it is not actually a problem (until the pharmacy f*cks up, anyway...). Shrug your shoulders and move on; you have a whole life to totally ignore it other than taking a pill at mealtimes or bedtime.