Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML
Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML
Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend, who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML
Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML
Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
I guess you ruined her Feng Shui.
gonzaval 0
you should ask her/him before doing something like that.
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Comments (145)
techweed 12
put some pills in her morning coffee/milk/juice/tea ....... perhaps prozac
bizarre_ftw 22
You know a statistically relevant majority of all studies done on Prozac and a good number of other depression meds shows that they don't work, and can actually worsen depression Also, if whatever you're suggesting slipping into the drink is dangerous when mixed with certain things like alcohol, doibg so can potentially cause serious medical issues
techweed 12
and tell her to CALM THE F*CK DOWN
ulicksam 0
1. You don't just decide to move the common furniture around on your own when you have a roommate. 2. Why are you cowering in the corner if the police are there?
gogokira 5
I own all the common room furniture in the apt and I move it if I damn well feel like it.
CaptainPickles72 18
Maybe next time you shouldn't MOVE THE DAMN FURNITURE!
AntoshaChekhonte 6
Oh yes, because we all should expected completely irrational behavior and reactions for moving some furniture around. It's totally a warranted response.
hmna 0
Is your roommate Charlie Sheen?
DjeePee 25
...I doubt OP's roommate is blind.
sourgirl101 29
Doortje, your comment made me laugh because I know people that will go nuts if things don't follow the Feng Shui rules. I personally like using my window as part of my headboard. But it's a no-no according to them. (:
supertacowaffle 41
Psycho roommate!
SirEBC 7
I would have laid that punk mother ****** flat. No one ***** with me. But of course, I'm just being tough on the Internet to compensate for being a little bitch in real life. D:
LADYGAGAGOOGA 0
lmao.