Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, I was walking my dog in my suburban neighborhood when all of a sudden we practically jumped out of our skin (and fur) when we heard what I assumed were fireworks. Nope, someone down the street was testing their new AR-15 in their backyard. All perfectly legal. FML
Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML
Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
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Top comments
damnit1989 16
Well that blows
Paco_el_Taco 17
Well at least you know where to go when the zombie apocalypse begins.
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Comments (132)
katejones 8
This is the time to enthusiastically compliment him on his great canon building skills and the very cool result. And casually ask about safety measures saying you don't want him ( it has to be a him ;) ) to get hurt. Either he will reassure you about safety, if not at least he sees you as an ally and won't aim in your direction..
thecouchisalive 20
I can't think of a better way to get rid of squirrels and gophers
Axel5238 29
I hope you called the cops before posting this. Holy crap my neighbor built a weapon that takes out ships is is something I'd be worried about.
organolithium_fml 9
Loved your description of the cannon XD But yeah, this is still worrying.
godfathermock 19
i would start recording everything, so in case something does happen, you have some evidence against him.
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well that's pretty impressive if he really built a cannon so well that it can be used on a "pirate ship". Unless he's blowing up trees near your house, which I highly doubt he's actually using live ammunition, you're being a bit of a jerk by calling him "psycho".
DirtRider500R 3
.....I'll trade you neighbors
jmfreee 16
I wish he was my neighbor. I'd love to shoot a cannon.
vikky538 29
well call the cops...
wvcheesehead 13
More common than you may think, it is a historic collectable. Nothing to worry about at all, engage your neighbor in rich discussion, probably has a great story.