Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, I was walking my dog in my suburban neighborhood when all of a sudden we practically jumped out of our skin (and fur) when we heard what I assumed were fireworks. Nope, someone down the street was testing their new AR-15 in their backyard. All perfectly legal. FML
Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML
Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
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Top comments
damnit1989 16
Well that blows
Paco_el_Taco 17
Well at least you know where to go when the zombie apocalypse begins.
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Comments (132)
Turkeythug123 6
I'm going to guess your a liberal
oped01 8
I'd say you need to get to work on a bigger cannon!!
capnbzarr 43
Yeah, normally I have a no-snitching policy, but in this case I'm gonna have to ask that you notify the ATF. Because no good can come of this.
GoodOptions 12
Funny how all of a sudden you want the help of law enforcement. You know, only when it's convenient.
rocket23 7
Op needs to get out there and join in the fun ;)
Demonyx 6
If he hasn't threatened you with it, or dragged it onto your property, then why is it any of your business? I guess if he test fires it at all hours of the night, then you have grounds for a noise complaint. But ,otherwise, you should get off his jock, and let it go.
enderless 6
I think you're being a little dramatic. My uncle builds cannons. He's retired, so it keeps him busy and turns a little profit. As long as he's careful and respectful when testing it it is not more dangerous than some other hobbies.
oatmeal96 10
I want a cannon!
justbigbs 6
If that thing aims at your house, you know you can call the FBI and the ATF right !?, SHIT, I rat out my neighbors do anything that will jeopardize my safety
GoodOptions 12
It would seriously suck to be your neighbor.
gmommy123456 1
How is this an FML?
Guardian88 21
Thats awesome, why dont you help him