Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, I was walking my dog in my suburban neighborhood when all of a sudden we practically jumped out of our skin (and fur) when we heard what I assumed were fireworks. Nope, someone down the street was testing their new AR-15 in their backyard. All perfectly legal. FML
Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML
Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
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Top comments
damnit1989 16
Well that blows
Paco_el_Taco 17
Well at least you know where to go when the zombie apocalypse begins.
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Comments (132)
shwankae 7
Honestly?
spluver0005 17
That's pretty cool honestly. I went to a camp that would wake you up by cannon. It even had a name: Buttercup
Drcreepypasta 9
I hope it blows your house up and also FML shuts down for good. **** FML and Any non white #masterrace.
tj4234 36
Considering how, very, possible it is for a canon to explode, I think OP has a valid reason to be scared with one being fired beside their house.
lina21 12
Is that even legal? Firing a weapon in an area with more housing
z3r0d4z3 22
depending on the firearm, 500 yards away from a road/housing is law. Op did say he was in the woods.
Fuzy2K 7
Is his name Pachelbel? :P
ohSNAPyall 27
Indeed.
Witchylady 18
Isn it illegal to build and own a cannon in the USA?
blackonblight 33
Hahahaha why would you think that? The US of A, where "maybe we should see who's getting guns" means "GUBNMINT WANTS TA TAKE MA GUNS! Inta the bunker kids!" Sorry, the amount of mass shootings this year has left me pissed at the gun-nut fringe.
jmfreee 16
Wow. Good to know that how we sound.
Randomxnp 10
The total amount of gun violence in the USA is going down, not up. That is as the number of legally-held firearms is increasing rapidly. Also the number of school shootings is massively exaggerated; a recent meme from the anti-gun kooks increased the number by over 75% by including suicides and gang-bangers accidentally shooting themselves. The solution to school shootings is of course not to name the shooter in the media. That is the advice of a police psychologist who says that they tend to come in spates, later ones triggered by the publicity for the first. Yet the left-wing media are increasing publicity in order to advance a gun-control agenda, thus quite possibly triggering more incidents.
jmfreee 16
It turns me on to hear people talk like that 76. Lol. Educating yourself goes a long way.
SenpaiBRO 6
Well what would you do for a Klondike bar
gdjk81 2
Man up
worldclassrager 41
Bombs away!
coklara 15
Reminds me of peter griffin and Cleveland.