Bad boy

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

Manchild

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years thought it would be funny to squat above my head completely naked while I was sleeping. When I woke up, his asshole and ball sack was in my face. FML

So hot

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

Cheeky

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

Gettin' some

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

That was quick

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

You tried

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML