Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years thought it would be funny to squat above my head completely naked while I was sleeping. When I woke up, his asshole and ball sack was in my face. FML
Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML
Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
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Top comments
MilanKing 0
you're lucky it was only his nose.
Fish_999 0
haha u enjoyed it really!
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Comments (319)
epicaussie 6
Haha ewww poor dog lol
wthowell_2010 0
I like ur shirt
CateXOX 0
He didn't have to stick his nose up there
michael256341859 0
call me 2563418590
tettles 0
***********
Zeusthegoose 0
about to say the same thing
CitrusGirl 0
So many FMLs could be avoided if people shut and locked doors.
TheDrifter 24
Unless the dog sleeps in the room.
CitrusGirl 0
Would you keep the dog in the room with you while having sex?
tona01 16
YES duhh!!!
babycakess10 0
no one said they were having sex maybe she just enjoys sleeping in the nude..
Livinia 11
Don't lie OP, we all know you secretly loved it.
Djzom13 0
wow, well at least it didnt get on it's hinds and hump you? and come oonn you know your boyfriend would've probably done the same if he woke up
Djzom13 0
has anyone else noticed ops name? 'coldwetnose?' wtf
loveofyourlife11 0
Dogs have cold, wet noses. Thats probably where she got the name from. Some op's don't have accounts when they write the fml so they come up with a name that deals with the story they tell.
BraBrando 0
I'm quite certain that if you were to publish a FML you could always change your name, regardless whether or not you have an account. I sure as hell would use a different screen name if it was a really embarrassing FML.
agentx52 13
Damn, FYL, that sucks
bhurberry 0
are you sure that was his nose?
solidus106 0
haha I luv when that happens
YacL 15
You... love it when dogs stick their noses in people's asses? Okay...
jess6blondie9 3
That's just wrong on 100 different levels, sir.
BraBrando 0
It seems you've encountered this a couple times, eh?
d_pratik22 0
surprise butt secks ?
iFizzgig 11
rwj ftw