Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years thought it would be funny to squat above my head completely naked while I was sleeping. When I woke up, his asshole and ball sack was in my face. FML
Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML
Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
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Top comments
MilanKing 0
you're lucky it was only his nose.
Fish_999 0
haha u enjoyed it really!
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Comments (319)
Fish_999 0
haha u enjoyed it really!
RainbowHeadache 2
I'm sure she did. Calm down, OP he was just saying hello.
duodecillian 0
I was really hoping this story would end differently
cfalen 0
I guess she really loves doggy style.
ImThePope 2
17, I'm sure there were a lot of us wishing the same thing. Because I like kinky stories like this. Awh yea.
DboyCorleone 0
Looks like he's a... *chocolate lab*
Keffin 0
oh curious doggy. at least it wasn't happy to see you if you know what I mean ;)
slantyshanty 7
kinky!
Ryan0510 0
Mustve been a smelly situation.
AlwaySunny 0
if you weren't wet last night, I bet you are now
HugeRedRash 0
y
imacreeper 3
are you sure it was the dog?
GODs_uncle 1
and now you're daring the dog?
EastonxStealth 0
three sum?
SeaMen 3
replace nose with penis
MeowingKat 0
How bout a threesome?
purplecowchik 5
I guess you learned the true meaning of doggy style!
FuniiBunii 0
Was the dog male or female?
zimandme123 0
aww! he thought you were a puppy!!! :D
stro88 6
at least it was just his ass haha.
8rabido8 11
the dog just wanted to know if she wiped or not... i dont see wat the big deal is
TheFuckerofShit 16
He couldn't find the tail.
Jaimegirl 7
At least it was only the nose, haha!
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Stupid Brown-Nosing mutt
MrSarcasm 4
Did you at least reciprocate in kind? Don't be rude.
leogzz 0
Wow...nice rack 242. ;)
MilanKing 0
you're lucky it was only his nose.
iBanana 17
^^ Win
ryukensfj 5
for reals! it could have been something else, now that would make this a really bad Fml.
ihasbrains 10
**********, ftw.
leader0011 5
giggity
ImaWiseGuy 5
I've heard of ass to mouth, but nose to mouth is a new one....
PassTheDutch 0
wouldn't it be ass to nose? lol
Ike1600 0
152- i believe u meant nose to ass not nose to mouth... good try tho... lol
Ashlyn601 0
lmao.
v1kt4r 13
Nose job???
daaron 3
true that ass rape win for the dog
LoonyKev 0
I wish I was ur dog :-)
fluffyrocka 0
think of this, at least it wasn't a soggy banana?
spicyasscakes 0
or his red rocket
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
I looked at the replies just to see if someone corrected it. go u :)
solidus106 0
lol@loony's pic and no one commenting about it
ttubear 17
wrong
RaineLee 5
So you mean you wanna stick your nose in her ass? Gross.
EmoGiana 0
I believe that is called "Tossing a salad".
EmoGiana 0
I believe that is called "Tossing a salad".
kingtz 6
Not really. "tossing the salad" is if the dog actually licked her ass. She was probably just giving off pheromones and he came over to investigate.
alexg823 0
Ain't that a bitch...
BlackOpsPWNR 0
223- I see what you did there you sneaky bastard..
abcd4242 0
makes two of us :DDD
CommonSenseKarma 17
HEY GET OUT OF HERE I'm territorial, too.
jshsmith1995 0
He was only greeting you I hope you sniffed his butt in return.
Bandz_fml 3
At least he didn't stick anything else in there... Count yourself lucky!
Sightless92 7
He was probably just looking for some chocolate. You know how much dogs love chocolate.
lolboy300 0
Rofl x)
abluekiwi 0
The early worm gets the bird... Or the nose i guess.
abluekiwi 0
Wordplay is stupid when you mess it up, eh.
travisrocker 0
hmmm Maybe the dog got up earlier and she had worms??? it works
TheDrifter 24
It works. It also works as the early nose gets the bird in this case.
waveman56 3
well some people really enjoy that kind of stuff
DarthVader007 0
**********. Ok this FML could create some graphic images though .
mrd10 0
yeah I know someone who puts peanut butter on her down stairs area n gets her dog to lick it clean puke much
mintcar 10
Aw, the dog likes you.
Mr_Darkside 5
haha if her bf dumps her she always has his dog as option 2
iLazy 0
So is that a new sex position for oral? Or in this case, nasal?
mfmylifesrsly 30
the dog was getting ready to give her a rim job
Troll_Doll 0
Gives a new meaning to doggy-style.
bikramkohli 11
lol.. win!^^
timetoshare 0
aww man you beat me to the doggy style joke
EffinToofer 3
That's disgusting. I love animals but I wish they would learn to understand boundaries.
iLazy 0
It's simple to teach them. Pain will be their master. They cross a line they weren't supposed to, KICK HIM
kingtz 6
29, I hope your parents kicked you as a child.
iLazy 0
Feeding the troll?
CitrusGirl 0
31- Go look up "joke" in the dictionary.
tpuff 7
barrelroll1472 0
telling people you were a trollmakes you an awful troll
DreaminOfMusic 0
thank you, 31! that's exactly what 29 deserves!
iLazy 0
Well Gentleman Shark the world does lack the sense of humour. If I make a joke I get haters simply because of misunderstood humour. That's what trolls are. I don't point that out I simply experience the backlash because they choose to interpret it in such a negative way
hughsmith 0
I shall kill an old lady and fluffy poodle every-time you comment on an FML