Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML
Today, my parents yet again spent over ten minutes discussing and joking about something minor about me, in this case my preference for Pepper Jack cheese over American. They've done this my whole life, and refuse to understand why I suffer from such crippling self-consciousness. FML
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Top comments
SexyBeast145 0
dude that's so gross hahaha
tnlander 20
Try the shock reply. "Dad no one at this table wants to eat your ****. Now can I please finish my dinner?" That will shut him up.
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Comments (334)
raphanne_fml 33
Bon appétit :D
lmaoatall 6
atleast she didn't give it a taste test at the table. that would have taken this fml to a whole new level!
chelseaaababyyy 17
your picture cracks me up lol
ladybug108 0
there are Somethings parents shouldn't hint about around their children.
oatsraw 0
you are what you eat TvT oooh my randomness
ThaHero 0
Everyone knows Keanu'a sausage is the best (Robot Chicken reference)
ayooBrandon 12
would you rather him actually talk about his "sausage"
ayooBrandon 12
oops I read the FML wrong
YFDIOP 0
sure. nice cover up lmao
TheSwimmer96 0
You're lucky you're cute!:)
howslife123 0
ew you ate your dads sausage?
smeesha 4
r u dumb?
kraine0712 2
Yes. Yes, he/she is.
Sammydubbs 2
How about you read the FML properly then you won't look like a dumbass :)
Thomato_fml 0
*Facepalm*
magicdragon5 2
what the hell are you talking about? it didn't say anything like that.
imtheboctilian 0
that's f'd up
pieintheface 0
yell thats what she said every time. then they'll stop
barbiesaurus 0
I think you mean sexual "innuendo", not "euphemism".
an9876 0
probably an autocorrect problem for OP lol
DrewsFML 8
I would go with innuendo too. The dad's entire sentence was sexual innuendo, while the single word "sausage" is a euphemism for the more graphic "****" or penis. OP experienced both, technically.
wiccankitteh 3
innuendo and euphemism are the same thing, just different words for it :D
magicdragon5 2
actually, they aren't :D