Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says, "We know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML
Today, my boyfriend called my mother stupid and angrily argued with her at a family dinner. Why? We have a long-running family joke that "Vegan food doesn't contain calories," and my boyfriend thought my mum said it seriously, and was therefore a moron. FML
Today, while having dinner with my boyfriend's family, his mom told me that it looks like I've gained quite some weight. When my boyfriend told her that this was a rude thing to say, she said it wasn't rude, just the truth. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
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Top comments
Dimence 9
Your boyfriend is simply awesome.
iOceanus 18
Mommy's baby is not so innocent anymore.
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Comments (109)
Dimence 9
Your boyfriend is simply awesome.
HairyPunisher 27
Something very similar happened to me once. I'm gay and someone jokingly called me a dick. I said "You are what you eat" right across from my boyfriend's mom and sister.
Patches215 1
**** yes.
meganfoxissexy 0
I love op's boyfriends sense of humor
pedosmurf 7
It's true
LolFMLnot 10
He is awesome indeed and has a very nice sense of humor. OP you are lucky to have him, i can't think of a better come back than that.
gc327072 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I wonder if that's who I came across the other day on bf3... Is his screen name pussy3at3r by any chance? If so, tell him he sucks at sniping.
iOceanus 18
53 - Why... just, why?
ApollosMyth 22
53 - Didn't you generalize teenage gamers as being ragers in a previous FML?
iShanny 13
Classy. Mommy must be so proud.
capper44 18
Proud or Jealous! If she never had that happen with her :D
iOceanus 18
Mommy's baby is not so innocent anymore.
Welshite 40
I can just imagine the death glares your boyfriend received.
ClassyCommando 13
Be glad nobody called him an asshole.
eeppiicc 8
That was a good use for that comeback.
satanic_fml 13
he eats cats? sexuallyobliviousrhino.jpg
UncleMuscles 5
**** THAT SHIT, EAT JUNGLE CATS. insanitywolf.jpg
gc327072 31
Eat problems, shit success. couragewolf.jpg
dashizam 10
I feel stupid asking, but are you really typing that or are there actual pictures that don't show up on the app?
gc327072 31
56- we're typing. It's just a shorter way of saying (insert courage wolf meme here). I'm also on the app. Cheers.
gmc_blossom 21
This person asked if I want to see their pussy. Sure, I love cats! firstdayontheinternetkid.jpg
MedKits 9
Ugh, teenagers and their code words for sex. I should kick their ass! myphoto.jpg
Nbrandwine 7
84 - Go away.
legal371 5
Wooooow. Beware of the incoming : dump him he's an idiot, comments
mario2012 18
In this case that might be relevant.
mario2012 18
Apparently I'm wrong. Oh we'll.
Rowdey 10
If he's really so immature that he would say that, maybe breaking up with him is reasonable.
gc327072 31
33- oh we will? Dafuq?
sheethapins 13
If she breaks up with him because he made one dumb comment, she's going to end up alone surrounded by nothing BUT cats. Rude awakening people, we all say dumb shit every so often. Breaking up with someone for one slip up is extremely unreasonable, I'm sure if she got with another guy he'd say something else dumb around her folks at some point too. Welcome to humanity, enjoy your stay.
Rowdey 10
I hear you, 45. I'm just saying if she is embarrassed by this kind of immaturity often, then maybe a change is in order.
WritingWrongs 8
Your comment is used almost as much as the phrase "dump him". Anyone mind if I start the next overused comment? No objections? Okay, here goes nothing... "oh God, here come the 'oh God here come the 'dump him' comments' comments." How was that?
redmane 21
66- It was a failed attempt at sarcasm. That's what it was.
gmc_blossom 21
66- Your sarcasm was bad and you should feel bad.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
I'm 31 and not an idiot, and I would have said the same thing.
DontModMeDammit 10
then quickly explain to your mom that he is from an area on the globe were they eat cats.
wannabemom 5
**** that. Be honest. So what? It's not like you we're going to stay pure forever and if she's just now finding that you've done the "nasty" then she's gotten a little surprise :) it's only human nature, after all.
blaackandprouud 20
Well it always depends, maybe she's supposed to be abstinent or something, so she might get in trouble for doing the nasty.
olpally 33
Nice impression... I bet your mom gave him the death look...
wizardwizard 4
It's wrong for him to say that in front of your mother but it's okay to call someone a pussy in front of your mother?
soulebelius 17
Exactly!
twinny_sc 13
Maybe she doesn't want her parents to know she has sex. They could be super uptight about that.