Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML
Today, my parents yet again spent over ten minutes discussing and joking about something minor about me, in this case my preference for Pepper Jack cheese over American. They've done this my whole life, and refuse to understand why I suffer from such crippling self-consciousness. FML
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Top comments
SexyBeast145 0
dude that's so gross hahaha
tnlander 20
Try the shock reply. "Dad no one at this table wants to eat your ****. Now can I please finish my dinner?" That will shut him up.
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Comments (334)
Wheredidgrungego 12
My grandparents do that. I have awful nightmares.
ilovemyjohnnyboy 0
ewww! my dad does it... but grandparents?!?I would throw up right then and there! blaaah!
ballerinaaub 17
Agreed!
dayellethescene 0
Mine do too! it's so gross!
Blackhandles 0
I SAID A BEEF HOT LINK!!
ED35 7
When I say hill-shire you say farm. Hill-shire
Dodie__fml 2
........farm
mrredkneck 2
thats terrible at the dinner table nasty
dayrin7 4
ohhh god. ! lmfaoooo!!!
hellojuicyhello 5
lol. haha that's something my uncle would say.
jshicksSN 0
bahaha. I would die if I ever that and hve heard suttle ones, but shit! haha. appreciate your parents love for each other... it's hilarious.
Playful1985 9
ew, inappropriate
vi3tno_romeo 5
that's ****** up having to hear that from one of ur parents....(while in the middle of dinner aswell!!)
datsamegui 0
how would he know what his sausage tasted like...gross
MerrikBarbarian 9
apparently you gave never heard of auto-fellatio or snowballing. ;)
pepsilove_fml 4
^^ ewww -___-
KiddNYC1O 22
Or Marilyn Manson
j_cat187 20
he must have removed a rib
SweetInk 0
put your sausage in your mouth