Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML
Today, my parents yet again spent over ten minutes discussing and joking about something minor about me, in this case my preference for Pepper Jack cheese over American. They've done this my whole life, and refuse to understand why I suffer from such crippling self-consciousness. FML
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Top comments
SexyBeast145 0
dude that's so gross hahaha
tnlander 20
Try the shock reply. "Dad no one at this table wants to eat your ****. Now can I please finish my dinner?" That will shut him up.
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Comments (334)
courage120 0
Thats just... gross
jessamy_brit 5
how would he know what his "sausage" tastes like???????? D:
perdix 31
He could be very, very flexible . . . and kinky.
MufMuf_fml 5
Maybe he was just talking about the sausage...? Just kidding, fyl op :l
pepsilove_fml 4
parents these days.. tsk tsk :( sorry OP fyl!
TheDeadlyBones 0
I feel ya... my parents do it all the time... :/
mjninety 9
"Dad please don't talk with dick... I mean sausage in your mouth"
KaylieBieber13 0
this is wayyyy to funnyyyy!!!!!! but its also reaalllyyyy grosss!!!!!!!
SleepOnStones 5
*way *funny *really *gross
KChamp 0
are you scarred for life?
DsUtt 0
mine do that sometimes...
NYBellz 0
ouch that must ruin ur appetite