Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family are really into rugby so I tried out for a local team. It didn't go well, and afterwards I couldn’t find my dad anywhere. It turns out he was so embarrassed by my sheer incompetence, he got in his car and drove away. I had to walk 9 miles home, which isn’t easy in rugby boots. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML
Today, I accidentally tackled my own teammate during a rugby match, so our coach made me walk the 5 miles back home instead of driving me home with the rest of the team. FML
Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML
Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML
Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML
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Top comments
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Grown men buttfucking each other. Sounds intresting.
TheEpicMilkMan 13
dude that's not soccer (or football) your describing thats gay **** :o
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Comments (102)
TheEpicMilkMan 13
dude that's not soccer (or football) your describing thats gay **** :o
Da_Bauss435 8
Really, because when I'm feeling horny I just turn on ESPN Soccer
TheEpicMilkMan 13
especially when its football season right? i bet you love when them men are all up on each other ;) mmmm
GlitterBomb 5
Would the noise not keep you awake?!
RedMosquito 4
Well, I think we finally found the answer as to why soccer is not played in the states. We are doing it all wrong. Does bring a new meaning to the term," that team took a pounding."
cobrasalas94 0
Actually soccer is played world wide including in the US
cBlackout 13
*excluding the US
THE_A_TEEN 28
No #49, Even in the States. Many colleges and cities have their own soccer teams for championships and such. Especially for the FIFA world cups.
NAU_future 7
Did I miss something? Soccer isn't played in the states? Then who was I rooting for in the world cup??
cBlackout 13
56- not that any of them make it close.
zombicidal 11
it is played its just not popular I myself can't watch it I find it boring like baseball basketball NASCAR and pretty much any professional sport (yet I can enjoy football)
feldco1 17
I'm surprised you fell asleep considering how crazy soccer games get.
your_ma 27
Especially since this sounds like the craziest game I've ever heard of. Over here they only kick one ball around the field and none of the players sex each other during it...
cBlackout 13
Sorry, but I've never witnessed a crazy soccer game unless there's a riot. I think op would've woken up had he been in the egyptian stadium ;)
spekledworf 18
I work next to a stadium... we always joke when there's a soccer game, "He it looks like there's an event at the stadium but the parking lot is empty... is there a soccer game?"
ThecomingofTan 9
I take offense to that OP. I have played Soccer for 4 years and I have never been butt-****** by any of my teammates................while I was conscious.
SaMmIMonster96 6
Oh, but it is the unconscious times that matter the most!
silentbutfunny 0
What a family event (sarcasm)
eb0ny 15
Thankyou for the "(sarcasm)" add-on to your comment. I wouldn't have understood it without that.
silentbutfunny 0
Your welcome. (sarc-.... Oh)
idontknowyou123 0
Well dont fall asleep next time!
Mister_Triangle 21
Practical advice is always shunned on FML
GoW_Chick 15
Are you sure you were at a soccer game? This doesn't sound like any game I've seen or been a part of and even if this were so why in the hell would you fall alseep around a bunch of grown men practically penetrating eachother?!
I_heart_sex 1
Soccer is fun! If you like that sort of thing.
Bassist5798 0
I would've fell asleep too I hate soccer
nodressonlyjeans 3
How do you sleep during a soccer game? Don't they yell and shout??