Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML
Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Today, I farted A LOT during an exam, all silent, so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I'm now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I was in a meeting at work, trying to keep my composure. I quietly shifted in my chair and accidentally let out a fart. It echoed in the conference room, and everyone stared at me in stunned silence. My boss sarcastically said, “Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.” FML
Today, I’ve been having the worst gas, nausea, and stomach pain of my life and literally nothing I do works. While I was at work, I farted but it came from the inside out; it was so loud there’s no way everyone didn’t hear it. My stomach started bubbling so loud, the guy sitting behind me got up and walked away. FML
Today, I had a dictation test. The whole classroom was silent, but I suddenly needed to fart. Not to break the silence, I wanted to fart slowly in the hope it would be silent. It didn't make the fart less obvious, it just made it longer, so that everyone noticed and started laughing. FML
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Top comments
Fritterzz 13
Better fart then hold it in and get the worst stomach ache of your life. You all know what I mean.
KristaAaronn 25
Better to just let it out. We all know that when you hold a fart in it travels up to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from
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Comments (88)
Fritterzz 13
Better fart then hold it in and get the worst stomach ache of your life. You all know what I mean.
Roskosity 22
A wise ogre once said, "Better out than in."
thelegendarycarl 12
Shrek is love, Shrek is life.
Brandi_Faith 34
Sometimes gas pain can be so painful. Any ER doctor can tell you that many people come in thinking they're having chest pains or a heart attack and it's actually just gas. I think life would be much better if people (mainly guys) didn't think that gas was so funny and weren't so determined to point out anytime someone lets it out. I bet if that room was full of females no one would've said a word no matter how horrible it smelt. Lol.
doodlecloud 27
Yeah but trying to let it out slowly can be painful too. Why didn't OP just go to the loo and let it out there? Would've been easier for them and better manners for their colleagues.
apk892 7
#50, you're making the assumption that everyone or most of the people that work there are guys. This is not necessarily the case.
xtramoist 6
Better to lose your friends than your intestines.
Osyx 20
*Than, with then this post becomes hilarious ^^
americanezio 10
It's ogre now
GetIt23 8
How could they trace it back to you?
Sandsh8rk 36
Imo that's kinda weird they traced it back.
pwnman 33
Following the smell which leads to OP's butt.
silvercamaro 22
There's an app for that now
Mightytall 35
First you determine the prevailing draft direction in the office and then you look for the person that has the dumbest grin or giggles in that direction. Everybody grins or giggles when they fart somewhere they're not supposed to. If you have stomach pains the risk of having a horrific accident is waaayyyyy too big. I always go to the restroom to toot when I have tummy pain... much safer!
AnOriginalName 19
It was probably so vile that it left a visible wake in the air. Kinda like when Spongebob was ugly and proud.
Brandi_Faith 34
I agree with 7, what's weirder, a guy that has bad gas pain and accidentally let's out a smelly toot, or the guy that continued to sniff this foul smell until he found the butthole that created it?!
incoherentrmblr 22
Maybe they have that sniffing device from Richie Rich...
Pandaz7 10
The vapor trail
AcieMcG 21
Because whoever smelt it dealt it!
KristaAaronn 25
Better to just let it out. We all know that when you hold a fart in it travels up to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from
BBlah 26
That's probably one of the best theories I've ever heard
mominzed 19
And that's where the shitty idea of pointing the fans at OP came from.
sdroze1389 31
lol you guys must be really bored at work for your co workers to launch a forensic investigation on who farted.
tigerisabelle 31
sucks, but it happens to everybody. my opinion? blame it on somebody else. buy your own mini-desk fan and point it at whatever co-worker you detest most.
LostInTheZone11 29
Level the playing field by bringing in Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears, and leave them in the break room with a "Help Yourself" sign.
RayvenWhite 12
Lol!!!! Perfect!
katydid91 31
They cause gas? Hmm, thanks for the warning!
LostInTheZone11 29
Look at the reviews on Amazon.
AnOriginalName 19
20, sugar alcohols (which sometimes replace the sugar in sugar-free sweets) cause gastric distress when ingested in any but the smallest of quantities.
NiceGuysDoWin 21
Yup. The Russell Stophers sugar free chocolates are like that too. They taste amazingly like real chocolate, but if you eat more than 4 of them, you'll be running to the bathroom for the rest of the day. Best laxative ever.
Vitotaylor36 13
There have been a several instances where someone had a few of these gummy bears and was basically glued to the toilet for hours with a torrential outpouring of diarrhea. Painful, smelly, explosive diarrhea.
tman1985 9
ow, my mind eyes... :(
Earths_Venus 25
I want to make poop jokes but I keep getting downvoted :(
pwnman 33
It brings people in shitty situations!
Earths_Venus 25
Your sentence structure sucks ass.
sdroze1389 31
now that I know you care about sentence structure I want to hear the poop joke you had on deck.
shredwhitendblue 8
You shouldn't have claimed it.
ohSNAPyall 27
He who denied it supplied it.
cryssycakesx3 23
whoever smelt it dealt it.
cjwayy 22
He didn't claim it, his coworkers traced it back to him. I don't know how, but they did.
katydid91 31
I'm feel so bad for you OP. I've my share of bad gas due to my often spastic digestive system. Just remember, it's not like any of them have never farted in their life, unless of course they're Peter Griffin!
martin8337 36
Weapon of mass destruction.
katydid91 31
*Ass destruction!