Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my family are really into rugby so I tried out for a local team. It didn't go well, and afterwards I couldn’t find my dad anywhere. It turns out he was so embarrassed by my sheer incompetence, he got in his car and drove away. I had to walk 9 miles home, which isn’t easy in rugby boots. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML
Today, I accidentally tackled my own teammate during a rugby match, so our coach made me walk the 5 miles back home instead of driving me home with the rest of the team. FML
Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML
Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML
Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML
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Top comments
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Grown men buttfucking each other. Sounds intresting.
TheEpicMilkMan 13
dude that's not soccer (or football) your describing thats gay **** :o
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Comments (102)
Jenmic 16
I find football (american) to have more homoerotic tendencies than soccer. I don't see soccer as homoerotic at all. I guess anything popular in Europe is seen as queer.
emilyjgraham 34
that's because footballers (in the UK) tend to look homosexual, if their toe gets stood on they fall to the floor and cry and get straight back up when the penalty is given. I've also noticed rugby, American football, and British football (all different things) there's a lot of butt slapping going on!
cBlackout 13
What about south america, Africa, and some of Asia? They all play soccer too.
lilsrox 0
Ooh ouch I hate walking, no matter how athletic I am
perdix 31
Are you sure you're not confusing soccer with rugby? A scrum looks like the start of a gay orgy.
DJRhetorical 4
Pitch? Is that like a regional thing? Because, the only pitch I know of has to do with a completely different sport. I can basically derive it's meaning from the context of the post but, I'm not certain of its full meaning.
NAU_future 7
Pitch is the term used in England (and most likely anywhere but America) for soccer field. And maybe even other sporting fields. Not 100% on that last part.
Sirin_fml 47
Fixed, thanks!
spekledworf 18
why would you change it? the word pitch threw me off... it's called a field here and should have been kept that way since OP is American
Sirin_fml 47
Overwhelming illiteracy in the submissions leads to doubt. No big deal; it is fixed now, the world did not end, and everybody learned something. This is never a bad thing, dear.
GoW_Chick 15
Just because OP lives in Tennessee doesn't mean they are American, and anyhow I was born and raised in America and used the term pitch very often. I don't see why I would have to conform and say field just because I am American and some of my brethren can't expand their simple minds.
dominic1221 6
Hear hear, SpekledWolf should shut her hole and be spontaneous some-times. Or write a bitchy blog post about how someone said "pitch" instead of "field" on a random-ass website. I hate sharing a country with ignorant boring bastards like you.
Shrike 24
93- you make all Americans look stupid. Shame on you for giving a great country a bad name like that. I ain't American by the way, you just disgust me.
bubbywaldo 0
You guys, relax, so 93 didn't know a pitch is the field, big deal. With time, being cultured, being an Anglo- or Francophile, and reading Harry Potter, we learn these things!
spekledworf 18
Don't get your training bras in a twist kids. I said the mod should leave it in context so that make me ignorant? Seems like everyone likes to toss that phrase around to make themselves seem superior
katy8 1
Could have been 6 miles
ActionManly 11
Wow you sound like a real ******* nice person to be around OP! I hope you get hit by a steamroller. Gently.
THE_A_TEEN 28
That sounds a bit disturbing.
tigrouficele2012 44
How the hell is this a YDI? Like she could help being bored. And what kind of parents go home and leave their kid sleeping five miles away instead of, oh I don't know, waking her up?
TheGreenArrow 3
What kind of person falls asleep at a crowed loud sports stadium? Unless you have narcolepsy or something.
l0v3p4in 7
"So bored," "dragged," and "buttfucking" convey a rather immature, bitchy and unappealing attitude. OP's family just wanted to include her. By the tone of her FML, it's highly credible to believe that she was probably complaining about it all the way to the match, which is a good reason her family left her there.
wdd2 5
SURPRISE BUTT SEX IS ALWAYS FUN! I would have joined in, sounds like a great time, ydi for being straight :P
THE_A_TEEN 28
OP's a girl. "Ydi for being straight"? Yeah, because you can choose your sexuality and be gay/lesbian for an anal *******. Here's a fail cookie...
mdtdnb 7
Lazy op...plain lazy. 5 miles is nothing...those soccer players probably average 10 miles+ each in one game.
kei1108 13
YDI for having a REALLY bad attitude. Yours family is only trying to include you. You may think its lame, but try and show some kindness.