Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

Today, I found out my whole family has been mistakenly using the same toothbrush for over a month. FML