Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Hungover
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Hard times
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Double sus
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Neil Diamond was wrong
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Thanks for the info
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Well done!
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Sponsored by Popov
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Hard no
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
Slippery when wet
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Top comments
Michael903 18
Parents always give what we need. Not what we want.
Welshite 40
No, you didn't.
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Comments (130)
mk8833 9
Well constipation is common during and right after pregnancy so maybe you can thank her later.
robclnt 1
if you have a csection, you'll be happy you got those. trust me
RileyTheCoyote 6
That's actually really considerate if it was like a side gift- I got really badly constipated after I had my son and I wish someone had bought me some of those! Lol. Congrats on the baby!
Xotoolyxo 16
Mom knows best
yssac09 3
You're gonna need it. I wish so done would have told me that before I had a baby, so I would have been prepared.
fmlrulesBolt 14
It's the thought that counts? Haha yeah right
JoeyJaws68 18
Op sounds like an ungrateful bitch. Most pregnant women get constipated there are much worse gifts she could have gotten you.
Jennielee 6
This must be your first baby if you don't know how much you'll appreciate them after the baby is born. Haha
adiebugg 2
Embarrassing but you will need em!!
strike2867 13
Could be worse, she could have given you the same gift with a candy label on it.