Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Hungover
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Hard times
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Double sus
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Neil Diamond was wrong
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Thanks for the info
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Well done!
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Sponsored by Popov
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Hard no
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
Slippery when wet
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Top comments
Michael903 18
Parents always give what we need. Not what we want.
Welshite 40
No, you didn't.
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Comments (130)
Kay_Noelle 11
that's one shitty gift.. sorry I had to do it.
Welshite 40
No, you didn't.
misspulkadot24 17
I sense a tsunami of down votes on the horizon.
perdix 31
#1, aw, poor you! You can always seek professional help to work on your impulse control. If your shrink has sunglasses sitting precariously on his head, seek a different one.
Bentonic 11
Control yourself! That was a really shitty pun. ... Dammit.
MelTheGreat 23
IT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE DONE
patchesOhoolihan 12
Hand that shit back
Nvjds 12
regifting has never been this fun
ipman737 18
Wow that didn't come out right did it?
184886837272837 32
Ipman... greatest martial arts movie ever!
ChenEighty 20
There are PMs for a reason, 50
abitabanana 8
Then down vote them and move along. Now go ahead and bury me too..
baba01_fml 17
Did the shit hit the fan?
184886837272837 32
Remember that scene in airplane where the shit literally hit the fan?
fylsinceydi 2
What a thoughtful gift....
abitabanana 8
Actually it was a thoughtful gift. Apparently most FML users are too young to know that when a baby has come ripping out your ****** (yes, literally), you will fear ********, causing your stool to harden, hence the softeners. Someday you will understand. Unless you're male. Or lucky.
iGottaFindBubbah 12
I thought it was thoughtful. Most need it after childbirth due to anal fissures from pushing. You'll appreciate it later, op.
chocolatelvr 5
No matter how necessary stool softeners could end up being, a far more diplomatic solution would have been for the mother to purchase a fun gift that wouldn't insult her daughter during the baby shower, and instead giving her daughter advice and the medication recommendation after the baby shower, in private.
MsKatieFace 11
Why? surely its better for women to know the effects of pregnancy? At least some of the other guests there will have had or be planning to have children, you'd be surprised how many naive women there are with no idea that pregnancy/childbirth causes constipation, stress incontinence, prolapses etc, all the nasty stuff is almost like a secret that comes as a not so nice surprise when they're actually experiencing it. I for one would never have a child knowing what i know about how it affects your body not just for those 9 months but for life, it NEEDS to be more out in the open so women are aware what they will be in for.
jacobelicramer 4
Kinda hilarious tho
purebliss_fml 19
Hmm, no... I'd say it's more humiliating.
Rainhawk94 27
Tho? Too lazy to add three more letters. What am I doing. I'm preaching to the deaf
abitabanana 8
@60 What, too lazy use a question mark for a question and to add a period to the end of your sentence? Hypocrite...
kaoszombie 6
@ 60: I wasn't aware that you were an English teacher. Do you criticize others on their writing in person as well?
Ecudaniel 16
Repay the gift for her birthday :)
Alycat6363 15
Maybe you'll need it at some point and thank him later? I agree, the gift sucks but you never know.
sarah6786 14
Him?
Alycat6363 15
27, sorry I misread 'mother' as 'brother'
Michael903 18
Parents always give what we need. Not what we want.
daphnedanielle 6
Or they're bad parents.?
jamieann1214 4
Actually they are great parents. Being pregnant can cause a lot of constipation due to your belly growing bigger and crushing your intestines. Plus after the baby you want those softeners!
conqueror57 11
You'll need 'em and now won't have to buy them yourself.
Applesarefum 9
yes, but what if by the time she needs them, they've expired?
conqueror57 11
Medicines take years to expire. Pregnancy is 9 months.