Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML
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Top comments
CoachBangWhore 5
That's why you don't let a toddler get to second base on you
nursestudent 5
That sucks ;)
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Comments (128)
noisebox 1
I'm confused was it your kid or someone else's you were holding, if it was yours where's the real dad, instead of the insecure boyfriend.....
SqueakyChipmunk 22
That toddler was a vampire.
MommaMuff 6
Why let a baby suck on your neck?
dontyawishyaknew 12
If you've had a child already, why does you mother mind that you have a hickey?
TheMathMajor 26
It's probably not her kid if mom is worried about hickeys
dontyawishyaknew 12
I see that now. Thanks!
Warmonger_Smurf 29
A little off subject but I have to bring it up. Is that a hickey?! No, just didn't duck fast enough in last nights paint ball game
banani08 1
Wth is wrong with you? Why were you holding a baby close to your neck long enough for it to give you a hickey? You need help. That baby should be the one posting a FML. "Today a crazy biatch would not feed me but held me close to her neck where I was hungry as hell and started sucking hoping for milk. FML!"
white16sox 19
And if it wasn't her kid?
outoftown 27
#60, Well, let's see: hold the baby with one arm, prepare a bottle with the other, stop to answer the ringing phone, hold the baby closer to quiet the wimpering, baby's mouth finds OP's neck and latches on... yes, that would do it.
dancer4life143 13
#60 you've obviously never been around babies. They suck on everything, every mother of an infant that I know has hickeys on their arms, neck, chest, anywhere where a baby could get to. It's just what babies do.
itsucksomg 6
that lil baby is a pro ;)
StanSmith2013 26
Shot happens lol and you know the truth!
Silent_Thrill 17
Yeah, it sucked that the baby did that, but I doubt shooting it would help! It's a little over-kill....
mpalmiter 0
I have three kids and can honestly say I've never had that happen. Feed that baby.
stonedfishies 10
Wow. You should just explain to him that it was a baby that did that, and if he doesn't wanna listen then so be it. You know the truth and he'll look stupid.