Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML
Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my parents told me that they had planned two kids (my older siblings) and I was born because my father "thought" that he was wearing a condom. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room, only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain, I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML
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Top comments
TysonBrown 0
... grow up baby, ur parents ****! deal with it!
perdix 31
I'll bet the OP means "scarred" for life. Just another instance where some Internet dummy doesn't know that doubling a letter can change the whole meaning of a sentence. What a looser! So, Casper the Friendly Ghost wasn't wearing his raincoat when he entered Mom's dark, moist, scary haunted mansion!
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Comments (165)
MadisonEstrada 1
Haha.. I just read all of the comments and I decided I'm not mad anymore. I just think all the people trying to be internet tough guys are hilarious and pathetic. I had no idea there were people out there who think picking on 15 year old girls over the internet is cool... Oh well. And to everyone who commented rudely, I will make sure the next FML post I make will fit your petty standards.
Spastastic 6
Don't worry, fml is just full of assholes. No matter what the fml, SOMEONE is going to be an ass about it.
sallen0046 4
So what, you thought you were some sort of immaculate conception? Either you're a complete moron, or you had to be aware that your parents had to have sex for you to exist. Grow up and stop being overly dramatic.
seven7sinsx 0
LOL
LonelyLoser42 0
Just be thankful he's not a ******* zombie or goblin or some shit!
kgfheels 0
http://www.ihatekrystal.com/index.php?id=32c19f4a9d5fa1e1a487e45ec794fd61 Nude chick
ami1043 0
Please, I was also concived on halloween. My mom was Dorthey and my dad was The Scarecrow.
kkkkkrrrrr 0
hahahahahahhaha
Islander_fml 5
What kind of FML is this? It's funny, not scarring. I wouldn't be scarred if my mom said this to me.
digwit 0
i was conceived on Halloween too... my dad was a pimp and my mom a hooker, i feel your pain lol
ladiiie_dreamer 0
haha ur mom is funniiie.. && i remember my last Halloween Niite...