Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML
Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my parents told me that they had planned two kids (my older siblings) and I was born because my father "thought" that he was wearing a condom. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room, only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain, I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML
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Top comments
TysonBrown 0
... grow up baby, ur parents ****! deal with it!
perdix 31
I'll bet the OP means "scarred" for life. Just another instance where some Internet dummy doesn't know that doubling a letter can change the whole meaning of a sentence. What a looser! So, Casper the Friendly Ghost wasn't wearing his raincoat when he entered Mom's dark, moist, scary haunted mansion!
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Comments (165)
christyxoxo 8
TMI, op!!
Spastastic 6
I think that's pretty amusing. It's not like she gave you details about the sex, she just told you the obvious fact that your father wasn't wearing a condom in a humorous way. I know that the reason I was conceived was that my mom thought she might be allergic to latex, so they had sex ONE time without a condom and my mom conceived. When she told me, she made a remark about not using a "raincoat". I don't feel scarred for life at all.
ilkaaf 0
I don't get it.
Dirsh 0
Hahahaha that was funny but i'm pretty sure Halloween is ruined for you now. :/
redsabre 0
is your mom sure it was your dad under that sheet?
redsabre 0
ooohh...NOT wearing his ghost costume. D'uh! fail :/
Yuko_fml 0
Yeah, my parents told me the same thing. =| The neighbors took my brother trick or treating so dad got his "treat" on. Ugh
MadisonEstrada 1
Ok guys, calm the **** down! So I spelled a word wrong, I'm sure many of you have done the same thing. I know how to spell. We all make mistakes. Get over it. I'm sorry that all you guys who said something about my spelling error have nothing better to do with your lives, but don't take it out on some random stranger you don't know over the internet who made one simple mistake. And to those of you who didn't say anything about the spelling, thank you. You guys are cool :)
MadisonEstrada 1
And I'm not really scarred for life. I only said that to be funny. All you guys who are calling me a pussy obviously have nothing better to do with your lives. I mean, do you really think I would be scarred because of that? I know my parents have had sex. It's not a big deal. When my mom told me that story, I laughed. I just thought it would be fun to try to get it posted on FML. God. You people are ridiculous.
MadisonEstrada 1
I will stop being a baby once you get a sense of humor :)
MadisonEstrada 1
Hey asshole, have a nice day :)