Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML
Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my parents told me that they had planned two kids (my older siblings) and I was born because my father "thought" that he was wearing a condom. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room, only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain, I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML
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Top comments
TysonBrown 0
... grow up baby, ur parents ****! deal with it!
perdix 31
I'll bet the OP means "scarred" for life. Just another instance where some Internet dummy doesn't know that doubling a letter can change the whole meaning of a sentence. What a looser! So, Casper the Friendly Ghost wasn't wearing his raincoat when he entered Mom's dark, moist, scary haunted mansion!
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Comments (165)
skyeyez9 25
150-200yrs ago, families in the US grew up and all slept near each other in small one room cabins. Some had 5 or more kids. I am pretty sure they heard their parents haxing sex. Be happy you didnt grow up in a little one room cabin.
kritz0 10
I was conceived on Valentines day...haha. And uhm...obviously there had to have been sex and egg fertilization done for you to be in existance... Are you retarded? Scarred for life...jeeze. I hope you never have kids...if you do..you can tell them they grew in a tube and you never had sex to create them. Holy ******* christ.
skyeyez9 25
Op if you have good parents who care for you, that is more than what alot of people have.
TheJaQ 0
YDI for thinking your dad doesn't plow your mom. or maybe it's the other way around... look at it this way, if your mom had swallowed that night, you wouldn't be here to whine about finding out your parents had sex once. or if she had danced the two finger taco tango earlier that day then she might not have had the libido that night to conceive you on the bathroom floor. I hope that gave you enough mental images to carry you through your next few FMLs.
Spewki 3
"Today, I learned that sex makes babies, and I was conceived by my parents doing the nasty. I was always under the impression that babies were sold at the hospital. FML." Seriously, how is this a FML? F your mother's L for having such a squimish daughter.
heyyitshannah 0
well, at least yew were planned amd yer father didmt tell yer mother to get a abortion because yew were a mistake. "-.-
fernandita91 0
38; I like ur pic ;)
cathylee22 4
your mom has a sense of humor that's awesome! Also, you are alive so you obviously knew there was a day you were conceived on, where your dad didn't wear his "costume". What's the big deal that you now know it was Halloween....or did you think the stork dropped you off?
johnk662561 0
Scared for life? Hmmm...bet you're SCARRED for life too.
zemo999 0
scared?? how the heck do you think kids are made?!???