Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, I came home to my frantic mom boxing up all the family electronics. She'd heard about the Roblox lawsuit and is now convinced that every inch of the internet is crawling with pedophiles. Now my two little brothers are throwing earsplitting tantrums and I have no way to drown them out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
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Top comments
drunkandfml 11
2-in-1! Fun for children AND adults!
lysx84 24
So next time you find it - hide it from her. Simple.
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Comments (88)
OrangeKnife 10
I wanna see the expression on your face
nycwrestler 17
Cool story, bro.
13ky13 20
You should tell it at parties.
MrBrightside21 20
Some (wo)men just want to watch the world burn.
Crlnprz 11
it seems like everyone doesn't like you #1 because I saw your comment on another FML was thumbed down as well. Maybe it's because of your profile picture
then000bster 16
That's what He said
ThePsyche 9
Tf?
T9FTW 20
What is that? Some kind of fetish?!
drunkandfml 11
2-in-1! Fun for children AND adults!
billyz77 24
I kind of agree. Things like that are funny - once or twice but after that, it's just torture. OP, you can always remind your mother that the day will come when you get to decide which home you're going to put her in - the nice one down the street or the one you saw on 60 Minutes.
SuperKnuckels 6
im gonna tell the toy company to make a batman mask that yells "Where are they!?" and "Where were the other drugs going?" best detective ever. lol
DudeEvil 22
OP: WHERE ARE YOU?! Batman toy: I'm here..
Sir_ND_Pity 35
OP to mom (in an over exaggerated voice): where are you hiding him?!
TwinChapter 15
I should think after the third/fourth time, or after about 10 minutes she would come to realize what was happening and start expecting it... Things should stop being so surprising after awhile, so I don't understand why she would still not only get scared, but SCREAM after hours of this happening... A tad bit of an overreaction?
154rct 7
I'm batman!
lysx84 24
So next time you find it - hide it from her. Simple.
vencku 13
This is what I instantely thought (after being rather perplexed about someone being scared of a Batman toy). I wondered when someone would say it. Comment four. Not bad.
TheGodDamnJoker 9
Lol well I believe if he gets that scared from the toy every time. Also if it's really creepy he probably doesn't wanna touch it. OP why so scared? xD
Mf2307 15
that is a really good idea this way she wont be able to hide it anymore
marxistbkly 3
I didn't bother reading #64's comment because s/he wins by default with the joker profile pic.
freshberries22 17
The next time you come across it just donate it or give it to some kids outside. I'm sure others would love to have it and you will look like a good person for giving toys to the needy.
BlowinChronic 18
And the her brother will miss it and all hell will break loose.
vencku 13
She can then blame her mother.
lilhellian 27
Atleast it isn't one of those evil vile things we call a furby..
TxCountryBeauty 10
I love Pomeranians but your profile pic looks like that "evil vile thing" #furbys were awesome
lilhellian 27
I may look sweet and innocent but cross me.. >:D
Sputnikspak 13
My friend's old Furby had low batteries from sitting in the back of the closet for years, and it suddenly came to life and started talking in this creepy, slow voice one night from inside her closet. I was sleeping over that night - we both almost had a heart attack (we'd had a few drinks, too - we thought something was possessed). They gave me the creeps when they had fresh batteries, in broad daylight, and I was sober. =/
smilepatrol 7
Kill it. Kill it with fire.
Mordakai420 6
It's simple, we kill the Batman.
invivoful 10
One does not simply kill the Batman.
Schizomaniac 24
She's the mother YD.
BlowinChronic 18
What?
Schizomaniac 24
"She's the mother you deserve."
N3766 20
...but not the one he needs right now
pradip 26
It's just been few hours, you're not phobic, you'll lose the fear soon, and your mom needs to find something more creepier. How about SPIDER-MAN!!!
13ky13 20
Yeah, more creepier. And more scarier too.
LupusDie 9
Hide her vibrators around the house, see how she reacts.
billyz77 24
Noor already said this. Up ^ there. Comment #7. But a good idea is a good idea.