Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage." When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML
Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML
Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML
Today, I learned that several thousand people in my state got tickets this month for driving and talking on the phone. My mom called to tell me this while I was driving. I'm now part of that statistic. Thanks, mom. FML
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Top comments
summer4me 25
Don't let her become the boy who cried wolf. Just remind her that the whistle should only be used when needed.
simply_meeeee 26
I don't think that's the correct purpose of a rape whistle
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Comments (33)
Xion0014 20
What the hell is a rape whistle?
sammitchgamgee 4
rape her with the whistle. That'll teach her to **** around with a rape whistle. In fact, tell her that rape whistles actually turn people into rapists and that's why you did it.
dirtbikeguy 14
I'd like to know how effective those whistles are. Personally I do not typically assume someone is in danger and in need of help when I hear a whistle blow...
LegionRapier61 8
That is not the intended purpose for a rape whistle. She needs a normal, I'm ******* bored and 12 whistle.
Jryan952015 7
And after the 100th time she blew it she choked on the ball inside the whistle and the rest of the car ride was quite and peaceful