Today, I've been seeing this girl for three months. After asking her if she'd like to go out to eat with me, I realized that she never called me by my name, just "hey you". While we were out, I wondered what she had me saved as, so I texted her when she got up to use the restroom. It was "free food". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML
Today, after having my car's oil changed, I asked the girl at the front desk for her number and she gave it to me, so I was excited all day. That night I texted her and she asked who it was and I told her my name, then she told me she gave her number out to a lot of customers, so she didn’t remember me. FML
Today, I asked a girl for her number and I wrote it down when she gave it to me. When I called her, it wasn't her. She'd given me a restaurant's phone number. FML
Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML
Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML
Today, I was on cloud nine when the beautiful waitress I frequently ordered takeaways from told me she didn't need to take my name as she remembers me from before. When I got my food, I saw the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger - Fries - Coke - Nerdy guy with bad haircut." FML
Today, I was texted out of the blue by a girl I treated to dinner last year. Since then, we'd chatted and met in passing a few times, but she'd turned down or cancelled all my other date invitations. Sadly, she wasn't trying to meet up. She wanted $500 to benefit a male friend, who was down on his luck. FML
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Top comments
real life problems 26
Been there done that! next time just leave while she goes to the bathroom
ohsnapword 21
You should get up to use the restroom, jump out the window and ghost the bitch.
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Comments (30)
RichardPencil 32
“You Never Even Called Me By Name.”
real life problems 26
Been there done that! next time just leave while she goes to the bathroom
real life problems 26
If you want to see the expression on her face, when the waitress asks if you will pay together or separate, say separate
ohsnapword 21
You should get up to use the restroom, jump out the window and ghost the bitch.
RichardPencil 32
Doesn’t matter, had sex. You’re getting lots of sex out of this, right? If so, it’s just a minor detail that she doesn’t know your name. (If you get her pregnant, that’s an advantage!)
kirby1964 20
Not an advantage, she has his phone number, she could get his name.
RichardPencil 32
Not if he gets in the habit of answering every phone call and text with “New phone, who dis?”
Lalala579121 28
And if all else fails, OP can just tell her that he's been married for 4 years.
Marcos Antônio Reis Dantas 2
If you are getting enough sex, keep going for awhile and change her contact to “Free wh0re”. Before terminating let her find out ...
Rabite 28
Well, if you pay for it, it's not free.
whiskey'swino 15
Been there, as a lady. Except as "Free Food" I would mention how my Driver's License photo is terrible. 9/10 times the guy would show me his license. Then I had what I needed, a name, a birth year, an address...
wanted_2_want 40
Smooth Still. Free food anyways
boopingsnoot 25
Give your server enough to cover your meal, plus tip, and an explanation that you’re ditching a bad date. They’ve seen it before.
joonsson 21
Neeej. Just leave her with the bill, she deserves it.
Lalala579121 28
Or even just say you want separate bills.
blightsight 10
I'm pretty sure I've read this one before.
PenguinPal3017 19
Better than "free kidneys".
interesting33 37
rather creepy. and clever
interesting33 37
why are you always paying?? She should pay too. Tell her it is her turn to pay.
stormy0307 16
When my wife and I were dating we would always trade off who paid. We kept a running tally in our heads in case one of us covered an expensive meal, the other would maybe pay for two cheaper ones. Worked out well for us.