Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
That's what you get for being a little bitch
jazmin3012 28
"Today, I tried to blackmail my dad..." Instant YDI
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Comments (77)
your_ma 27
That's what you get for being a little bitch
BasedComment 15
But mommmmm
nyte_assassin1 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yeah what could you want so bad that you try to blackmail your birth giver
haliacc 17
It's never going to work out well when you have bad intentions! Your mum and dad probably do it together!
devildog562 33
Why didn't you steal the weed and bong as a blackmail? Jeeze learn how to do it right without being a snitch op.
cryssycakesx3 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I don't think his dad gave birth to him though...
nyte_assassin1 11
South Park reference
1tsmenoah 20
Haven't you guys heard, snitches get grounded til' next year
Lightning_Farron 11
What the hell?! His dad smokes an illegal drug they should BOTH be punished.
MRP360 14
Were you going to make him get you a new pacifier?
onlychildFTW 34
It doesn't seem babyish to blackmail someone; it takes thought and knowledge.
Llama_Face89 34
7- it's also kinda a scumbag and bitchy way to get what you want. Especially when you're blackmailing your parents. Pretty low.
pandalover69 26
@7 yeah but it takes a moron like the OP to blackmail his parents. Never blackmail family, it will come back and bite you in the ass.
devildog562 33
39 has it right. All you truly have is family . Unfortunately my family is the type to hand you over to the Feds instead of supporting family , figuratively speaking. Family should always be there for family the best they can . Don't be an enabler but dam. Be there for people when they are down .
icnburbbygrl 23
Why were you trying to black mail your dad?
austin_spade 11
And I suppose you think that you'll get some sympathy by going on FML. Nuh uh bitch. Really? Blackmailing your own father?
jazmin3012 28
"Today, I tried to blackmail my dad..." Instant YDI
alxdakid 11
That's what you get for being a rat.
it__happens 17
Stinks to stink
JOEBOBARNOLD 15
What would make you want to blackmail your dad?
sweetest_jenn 18
Haven't you heard? Snitches are bitches. You totally deserve this one, OP.
joselgarciac 9
I thought it was snitches get stitches.
sweetest_jenn 18
Some snitches are bitches who deserve stitches in their britches that itches when they have twitches. How about that?!
RickSanchez 4
Snitches get stitches for being punk bitches.
ostfaiz 18
Blackmailing ain't for you honey! YDI (: