Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was drunk and angry, so I went to the neighbor's since I didn't know what to do. He was so nice and comforted me as I cried. Then his wife came home, called him a pedophile, beat me, and threw me out. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
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Top comments
Miguemex95 4
Sorry OP :( I think you are better off without him.
bitchpleasemike 7
didn't they believe the neighbor? and couldn't they smell the alcohol? wow...FYL
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Comments (89)
Pentium_4 27
the "you totally deserved it" button should be disabled for this FML...
fancyclown 9
I agree. Then again, with FMLs, you often don't know the entire story.
Epsilonyx 15
Reunited and it feels so good.
mobat 1
Hi
Furrywhiplash 14
"commenting" - you're doing it wrong.
mobat 1
Hola.
AcidLacedBong 5
Your neighbor should be a character witness and attest to your side
idiothater1 4
That's shithouse mate. He should have stayed lost.
Calyx_fml 22
That's what you get for forgetting his fathers day gift.
jnaust 8
Did you stab him?
jnaust 8
I would have. Would have been a better story
DeOilers 9
Yeah well this isn't a story from a book, this is real life.
ScarletBloom 14
Your bonding session with your long lost dad was a horrendous one.
andzander 1
Really? You don't say!
funnynesh 10
Its just family love!
Nitrozoid 5
Sounds like my dad.