Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML
Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML
Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML
Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML
Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML
Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML
Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML
Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Doortje 30
That's a smart little brother you have there. Now start peeing on his favourite toys and see how he likes that.
macskapingvin 0
Do the kindest thing. Tranquilise this poor lost animal and set him loose in the forest where he belongs.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (82)
perdix 31
Set a bear trap for that wild animal roaming around your house, and when it clamps down on his leg, he'll suddenly realize that he's human.
smushies_fml 0
that's pretty messed up! ..
maybaybe 0
I would hate to have your brother, what a dick head!
bioboy725 10
even better
101autie 0
that would have pissed me off pun intended
Justin23L 2
You're about 16 comments too late sweetie.
Opera_fml 0
I guess its not your laptop anymore, now is it?
MrChocolateburri 0
I would relocate his nose.
ohmek 0
You're just pissed you didn't think of it first.
notsoluckypup 12
Oh bear... ^Get it?^
Doortje 30
No, I don't :'( Please explain! >_>
mccaincracker 6
reading the beginning of this I thought he was mauled by a bear