Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son figured out that if he takes his pull-up off and DOESN'T go on the potty, he can pee all over things. FML
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML
Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML
Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML
Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML
Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML
Today, I've been potty training my son and almost all of his clothes have been peed on, but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do all the laundry together. When I was getting it out of the dryer, everything smelled like pee. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
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Top comments
beddington 7
He's just reminding the puppy who's house it really is.
firefly319 7
I'd suggest crating him but that's probably illegal...
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Comments (72)
jakeowns2 3
YOLO?
MsSoulReaper 27
No.
raphanne_fml 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hump him to show him who is the boss?
20PercentCooler 8
That sounds... Disturbing.
calilovesneb 12
If that is the first thing that came to your mind, there is a serious problem. I would seriously hope nobody sane would want to hump their four year old child under any circumstances.
raphanne_fml 33
Obviously a joke. I would never do that to a child. Thank you for your concern.
zinoxity 23
Oh!! I get it, it's funny because that'd be sexual child abuse/molestation! Just, no...
heimdallr 14
Right, obviously a joke... Go learn some tact, please. There are some things that are never good to joke about, no matter what.
NeatNit 33
Actually I found it quite funny.
LuckBeNimble 19
31: judging from your statement, you must be new to the Internet.
supportcommand 17
Ya c'mon people, obviously a joke. I thought it was funny. My suggestion is to start cage training. After the puppy sees the kid peeing on a potty pad it'll learn pretty quick were it can go.
raphanne_fml 33
Meh, it's ok. I made a bad joke. People thumbed it down, it's life. Let's move on with our lives. But thank you! Here is an internet waffle for you three. >(^_^)>#
LuckBeNimble 19
44: hopefully, it is not blue. D:
wetqueefa 5
what the **** is wrong with you
beddington 7
He's just reminding the puppy who's house it really is.
hama806 19
Nope
akiahara 14
Whose.
firefly319 7
I'd suggest crating him but that's probably illegal...
hama806 19
Or you can put a leash on him and take him outside to pee but that's probably illegal too...
supportcommand 17
It's only illegal if you get caught.
jetsown08 21
I've crated all 8 of my children at one point in their lives, I'm not seeing the problem. In fact, 3 of them are in the fire pit right now for misbehaving.
wlddog 14
54 lives in Sparta
twinkiefeets 17
Spank him with a rolled up newspaper and put him outside.
BellaBelle_fml 23
My father actually did spank me with a rolled up newspaper when I was very young, from the years of 1-3 years old. His reason for using a rolled up newspaper was that it didn't really hurt me too much at all and that the noise it made when it hit my bum, or really just my diaper, scared the crap out of me, probably literally and metaphorically, lol.
BjgUsername 12
Na, OP should just rub his nose in it.
sonuskos 6
Better than the old asian way... Broom or get a branch outa the tree
mpj13 8
Quick go pee on your husband before he pees on you! Well? What are you waiting for?
jakeowns2 3
He is the man of the house
outoftown 27
Crate for the boy, room for the dog... oh, wait...
BadApple88 29
time to potty train both of them lol
JR_Goes_Rawr 11
Tell him it's too late and you already marked everything. Gotta let him know who's territory it really is.
JOcoco 14
This is what I imagined after reading 12's comment: *OP looks son in the eyes* "It's too late, honey. I've already marked everything. Including you." O.o