holy 21 October 2009, 21:03 United Kingdom

Pissed

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

90 comments

Collection

Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Same thing different taste

Anonymous 11 January 2015, 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

67 comments

Anonymous 13 May 2023, 15:00 Barnsley, United Kingdom

Unpleasant

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

4 comments

wetbutt This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff United States

Best clapback

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

181 comments

smells like ass 29 December 2016, 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

11 comments

Anonymous 1 June 2021, 06:01

Right in the nuts

Today, I thought it would be fun and nice to pick my little brother up, but no, he accidentally kicked me in the balls. Twice. FML

3 comments

smellsofeggs 26 November 2009, 21:13 United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

44 comments

Anonymous 26 February 2022, 04:00

Freeloadin' freewheelin'

Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML

7 comments

jeeperspeepers 2 August 2009, 22:03 United States

Creepy

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

484 comments

Kutakito 15 April 2013, 20:18 Saltsj?baden, Sweden

Today, my 25 year-old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

185 comments

GaveAnInchTakeAMile 11 May 2013, 09:52 United States

Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

55 comments

i_got_it 0

22 October 2009, 01:31

Imagine what he would've did if you said **** off.

allmidnighteyes 11

22 October 2009, 01:38

He's got good aim. You should've done the same thing. Have like, a fight via streams to see whose stream is mightier.

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Comments (90)

NGM_47 0

22 October 2009, 01:22

well, at least he didn't pee on your face...hopefully. FYL.

dcbog123 0

22 October 2009, 02:25

piss on him when hes asleep

popoman 0

23 October 2009, 04:00

Piss and ejaculate on him. Maybe shit on him too. All while he's asleep. It's like that quote from "The Untouchables": "They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue." You have to up the ante and show him that he should never mess with you again.