Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML
Today, after not having coffee for ages, I finally remembered why I stopped drinking it. I literally just shit my pants, and I’m about to start a ten-hour day with 27 fifth graders. FML
Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML
Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML
Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML
Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
Just let it all out during the meeting. They like it when people express themselves.
mrfunbun01 1
Put lax in their food next time you make them dinner.
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Comments (105)
chester75 5
Aww that was nice, you should reward them by giving them " chocolate " chip cookies after work.
qtip14 0
and now if you'll look at this next diagram you'll notice OOHHH shit...
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Don't show up, and when they ask just tell them it was due to "toilet troubles." Tends to rule out questions
geekpowerwtf 0
You can make a cover on thelonelyisland song, but you can sing "crapped in my pants" instead!
perdix 31
You're gonna be as loose as creamed corn. Maybe you can teleconference to the meeting while you sit on the toilet. Make sure you have the video feed off when you are straining at your stool.
supimnyancat 9
Sometimes, I curl up in a corner and pretend to be a carrot.
WCARlover 35
good luck:)
Uncle_Ben96 5
Well that was thoughtful of them!
ChuckNorrisBeard 0
POOP SACK? ;)
RockstarRN 10
Lax and relax. I can see how the kids were just trying to help. :((