Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML
Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML
Today, being Valentine's Day, I went all out for my wife with flowers, a candlelit dinner, and tickets to a broadway show. The flowers arrived dead, the dinner sucked, and my wife hated the show. Afterwards, I tried to be intimate, but apparently I smelled like a shart trapped in a pant leg. FML
Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with rose petals on the bed. Romantic, right? Turns out, the roses I'd bought had been sprayed with some sort of red dye. The petals stained the sheets, my hands, and our white-furred cat, who now looks like a tiny crime scene victim. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML
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Top comments
Residence_fml 4
Well that kinda sucks, but be happy he tried to do something. It's apperantly an unspoken rule for women to be happy with what their husbands give them, with the right thought behind it of course, even though it kinda fails. My boyfriend always tries to cook me delicious diner but ends up throwing a main ingredient in I really don't like. I still love the fact he went through all the trouble trying to please me.
nebula748 14
Those darn pricks.
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Comments (137)
matt1978 0
Dork
Ever123 0
Rose thorns actually don't hurt too much
GabbyLovesJustin 0
At least he tried
FightingOne 0
That would be to much work... XD
Simbaby 23
Horny
xerbrus 14
talk about a thorn in your side
ChoolyBooly 32
Perhaps rose petals instead next time?
Mcstud1y 30
You're username is the best
StarkWolf_fml 23
hope you weren't naked