Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, my dad has such thick, horn like toenails that when I stepped on one of the cuttings, it actually stabbed into the thinner skin on the underside of my toe and bled like crazy. FML
Today, I had surgery done to fix an ingrown toenail. When the doctor started cutting the nail, my toe wasn't entirely numb. FML
Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML
Today, years after I stepped on a nail and had the wound stitched, I got an X-ray. I've had serious trouble walking, and it turns out I had 2.5 inches of nail living in the sole of my foot, stabbing up into my ankle joint. I now need major surgery. FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
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Top comments
GR3453m0nk3y 4
SLIP SOMETHING IN HIS DRINK AND THEN CUT THEM sorry about the caps, i'd fix it but im too lazy
aback 5
Make him sleep on the couch. Or the porch, if you don't have a couch.
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Comments (126)
perdix 31
Why are you so sure he was sleeping? Maybe he just hates you.
herehaveabandaid 2
It seems to me that you have three options, which I'm sure have all been said already, I just thought I'd sum it up for you: 1) Cut his toenails while he sleeps. 2) Put him in the doghouse - that means couch, porch, etc. and a definite withholding of sex. 3) Find something that bothers him and use it as leverage, i.e. if he hates you nagging him to pick up his underwear from the floor, agree to let him leave it there if he'll cut his toenails. Personally, I'm a fan of the first two, more because I think the results would be funnier, but option three seems like an actual solution. Think about it.
Steve2911 0
Did you start the fml with "my husband stabbed me" for dramatic effect?
ColdGold 6
He has no respect for his own wife. What a vile man.
Weil 0
Toenails long and sharp enough to require stitches? That is ******* disgusting.
aap_fml 0
'okay here's the deal, we'll have sex again if you cut your toenails' problem solved
carolthebitch 0
thats nasty
peaceandlove224 0
My boyfriend did that to me too!!
_anonymoose_ 0
Definitely cut them when he's sleeping.
DrPluton 0
He's got Samson toenails? Pull a Delilah!