Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, my dad has such thick, horn like toenails that when I stepped on one of the cuttings, it actually stabbed into the thinner skin on the underside of my toe and bled like crazy. FML
Today, I had surgery done to fix an ingrown toenail. When the doctor started cutting the nail, my toe wasn't entirely numb. FML
Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML
Today, years after I stepped on a nail and had the wound stitched, I got an X-ray. I've had serious trouble walking, and it turns out I had 2.5 inches of nail living in the sole of my foot, stabbing up into my ankle joint. I now need major surgery. FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
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Top comments
GR3453m0nk3y 4
SLIP SOMETHING IN HIS DRINK AND THEN CUT THEM sorry about the caps, i'd fix it but im too lazy
aback 5
Make him sleep on the couch. Or the porch, if you don't have a couch.
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Comments (126)
macbeater 0
Yall are ****** stupid. That is in no way her JOB to cut his nasty ass toe nails. Seriously? If a GROWN MAN can't cut his own fricken toe nails then he must be a retard or really fat. anyway, tell that bitch to cut em or you gonna give him 3 stitches of his own hahahaha
RUMC14DW 0
Ew. That's disgusting. When it gets closer to xmas tell him that you're taking him to get an early gift and that it is a surprise. "Surprise! Your gift is a pedicure."
Flyingpants 0
Divorce him!
songbird2009 0
so effing gross....hygiene issues
DarthRant 0
See how funny he thinks it is when you kick his gross a$$ out of bed, and bar him from "anything else".
2centsmore 0
The way I see it, if he refuses to cut them knowing that he could cut you again... he INTENDS to cut you and gets some sadistic kick out of hurting you. If I were you, I'd strap two dinner forks to my feet when I go to bed at night and tell the inconsiderate A**hole that now you are on an equal playing field. Then when he goes to the hospital to have his leg sewn up, I'd sit there and laugh my butt off! If that doesn't seem feasible to you, then just grow your toenails as long as his and give yourself an edge by sharpening them to a point. No matter what, definately make sure you get the last laugh.
misshistory 0
Cut them in his sleep. what a ******.
snugsack 0
Haha, my dad's just like that...and my mom complains... he does occasionally cut them............. but we stay far away when he does erghhhhhh! They shoot you in the eye if you stand too close hahaha
whirlpoolriding 0
Just cut his toenails as he sleeps besides you. And I agree with the hygiene and respect-in-the-rship and divorce part. In fact just get a knife and stab his leg and say you were having a bad, recurring nightmare or karmaish doom. And maybe beat his brains out while you at it.
fattu4554 2
No one bothered to consider the doctor laughing.