Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, my dad has such thick, horn like toenails that when I stepped on one of the cuttings, it actually stabbed into the thinner skin on the underside of my toe and bled like crazy. FML
Today, I had surgery done to fix an ingrown toenail. When the doctor started cutting the nail, my toe wasn't entirely numb. FML
Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML
Today, years after I stepped on a nail and had the wound stitched, I got an X-ray. I've had serious trouble walking, and it turns out I had 2.5 inches of nail living in the sole of my foot, stabbing up into my ankle joint. I now need major surgery. FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
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Top comments
GR3453m0nk3y 4
SLIP SOMETHING IN HIS DRINK AND THEN CUT THEM sorry about the caps, i'd fix it but im too lazy
aback 5
Make him sleep on the couch. Or the porch, if you don't have a couch.
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Comments (126)
Clover2009 0
Haha. I'd be like, "Cut those disgusting talons or you are sleeping on the damn couch until you actually do." If he sleeps on the couch, so be it. But his ass would LITERALLY get kicked out of bed if he tried.
jadetink86 0
Lmao! Cut them in his sleep =) or let yours grow out them cut him, HAHAHA
noshitsherlock 0
That's what you get for marrying a SAVAGE. WTF.
AmiNayaki 0
it sounds as though your couch may remain occupied until his toenails are shorter, then...?
HELLOjealousy 4
Holy shit that is hilarious! I cut my best friend with my toenail once, and it was hilarious as well...except mine was just really sharp, not long.
TTHHXX1138 0
Retaliate by refusing to shave ANY body hair, I bet he cuts those nails then!
Intrigue 3
Divorce the neanderthal and get a different doctor! If anyone should be laughed at it's your husband for not having enough sense to groom himself.
raaaaaaachael 0
TETNUS D:
klar_fml 0
LOL yum. FYL but he should still cut them..failing that, socks? Two pairs? :D
MotherRussia 0
YDI for having a gay lady toe husband. does he paint them?
ClumsyJason 3
LMFAOLMFAOLMFAO