Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML
Today, I walked out of my boyfriend's house to see my car window smashed in and my steering wheel cover stolen. I was only staying at his place because there had been a rash of vehicle break-ins in my neighborhood. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I heard that my ex wrecked my car. He'd "borrowed it" and has had it for 2 months. He refused to return it. I went to the police and they went behind my back and "attempted" to retrieve it yesterday, without me. This just caused him to run away. FML
Today, my grown up, unemployed boyfriend stole 70 dollars from my wallet and tried to hide it in two different places in case he needed to ditch me and go out by himself. He got angry when I confronted him and stormed out. He feels perfectly entitled. I work, pay rent and buy food. FML
Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML
Today, my husband and I went out to dinner. I caught him writing down his number for the waitress. When I confronted him, his response was, "What? I'm not allowed to have friends?" and threw a fit over my "irrational paranoia." I had to walk home in the cold, because he kicked me out of the car mid-argument. FML
Today, after I found out my husband cheated on me and then yesterday had to stop him from trying to kill himself, he's now moved out and has decided that this is all my fault. FML
Today, after months of working on our relationship, my ex asked to borrow my car. After many hours and phone calls to see where he was, he still wasn't back. I decided to check my car's GPS and found him at my friend's house. He tried to deny that it was her house, when I've been there multiple times. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML
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Top comments
AmethystRain 20
You should counter-accuse him of doing it himself in an attempt to frame you, then settle it with a sword fight in the front yard.
tylersign 11
Ok, the deed is done. Where's my money?
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Comments (117)
AmethystRain 20
You should counter-accuse him of doing it himself in an attempt to frame you, then settle it with a sword fight in the front yard.
IStillReadBooks 8
Best solution on here
Llama_Face89 34
It must be to the death though. Only way.
kkmwong 11
Report it to the cops.
GypsyRover 0
I'm wiling to bet the person you go crying to about your problems did something. Or it could be the other guy you have been sleeping with,or woman. Jk. Call the police and report it stolen.
Badab1ng 5
Here are three things you'll need in the bedroom tonight: 1. A golf club 2. An ice cube 3. A subway sandwich After finding a creative use for these things, your marriage will be fine.
ThatLooksSticky 16
Watch out for his revenge! Remember to check your shampoo bottle for hair dye or Nair. According to the FMLs I've read, that seems to happen often.
ironwords 8
Yes, and it makes masturbation just awful.
axemandackman 0
Maybe you hired the ninjas to do it for you, those are sneaky little *******.
token_blackguy 18
Someone married a winner!
Duoceros 22
This FML just proves the point of the saying, "those who can't do, teach." OP I feel for ya, your college life does suck.
Duoceros 22
gah! this comment was posted to the wrong FML. FML!
pie29302930 0
It was bad timing, but would be so ******* funny if you actually did. :) haha
yodas0da 12
dont let it get to you. a lot of people do & think crazy things out of anger. give it some time & he'll come around