Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML
Today, I walked out of my boyfriend's house to see my car window smashed in and my steering wheel cover stolen. I was only staying at his place because there had been a rash of vehicle break-ins in my neighborhood. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I heard that my ex wrecked my car. He'd "borrowed it" and has had it for 2 months. He refused to return it. I went to the police and they went behind my back and "attempted" to retrieve it yesterday, without me. This just caused him to run away. FML
Today, my grown up, unemployed boyfriend stole 70 dollars from my wallet and tried to hide it in two different places in case he needed to ditch me and go out by himself. He got angry when I confronted him and stormed out. He feels perfectly entitled. I work, pay rent and buy food. FML
Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML
Today, my husband and I went out to dinner. I caught him writing down his number for the waitress. When I confronted him, his response was, "What? I'm not allowed to have friends?" and threw a fit over my "irrational paranoia." I had to walk home in the cold, because he kicked me out of the car mid-argument. FML
Today, after I found out my husband cheated on me and then yesterday had to stop him from trying to kill himself, he's now moved out and has decided that this is all my fault. FML
Today, after months of working on our relationship, my ex asked to borrow my car. After many hours and phone calls to see where he was, he still wasn't back. I decided to check my car's GPS and found him at my friend's house. He tried to deny that it was her house, when I've been there multiple times. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML
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Top comments
AmethystRain 20
You should counter-accuse him of doing it himself in an attempt to frame you, then settle it with a sword fight in the front yard.
tylersign 11
Ok, the deed is done. Where's my money?
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Comments (117)
crownlogic 25
The first thing I would do after fighting with a significant other would obviously be to steal expensive property that we jointly own.
ilovefall10 21
And yet you are online telling us strangers about him while calling him a dumb paranoid ass. If that's the way you talk about each other then I think you should just divorce... or at least talk about it.
TheWindowLicker 13
Since its the husband's car I imagine it's either both or none.
copy125 0
Honestly how does it make a difference if you were at work? Cause you could have gotten a friend to go drive it somewhere which put you having to even be there. Your logic is flawed my friend.
LennyComa 39
Serves him right...trying to stay in shape and everything....but yeah should call the police about that.
LadyLol_fml 15
Weed's a helluva drug
ndclover 3
hopefully you'll find the culprit and prove him wrong.
KiddNYC1O 22
Hide his running shoes!
smirnoff1695 0
Slightly retarded?
FMLsOhilarious 6
For all you people implying that she could've taken his car...why would she? I mean, what wife would steal her own husbands car over a fight? That just doesn't make sense to me, but then again this is a very odd world.
KiddNYC1O 22
Pretty much.